The Last Beginning
by odiedragon
Summary: Wynne's documentation of her last great contribution to Ferelden, as well as her journal of post-Blight events. Human noble Elissa Cousland and Alistair, post-game as co-rulers. Rated M for subject matter - not smutty.
1. Part 1

**The Last Beginning - Part 1**

* * *

14 Verimensis, 9:31

The Blight has ended. I can state this more definitively than most, for I was there on the top of Fort Draken. Warden Elissa, called now the Hero of Ferelden, struck the final blow against the Archdemon as Wardan Alistair bravely entertained the foul creature with his swordplay.

Given that I have already quite literally lived beyond my time, I expected that to be my last great moment of service, both as a healer mage of the Circle and as a citizen of Ferelden. Supporting my traveling companions with my healing magics, ensuring that the Grey Wardens survived to face and defeat the Archdemon. After conquering the impossible in sunset of life, I could have died happy knowing all I had accomplished with my time here.

However, it seems that the Maker is not finished with me yet. It appears that He has laid one last task at my weary, old feet. Thankfully, it is not a task involving battles, or armies, or long marches and cold nights sleeping in a tent. After all the death and destruction I have witnessed, to have a task with the potential for life and joy to result from it warms my old heart.

The newly crowed King Alistair is pledged to wed Lady Elissa Cousland, on the last day of Eluviesta, a little over three months hence. I am sure the songs and tales of these two Grey Wardens will resound through the ages, and I am honored to consider them my friends. More than friends, for in truth they are like the family I never had; the children I never got to know.

Though I must say, now that they have attendants and maids to change their bedding and wash their dirty socks, they are certainly much more comfortable to be around in an olfactory sense. The shear amount of dirt and sweat one has to contend with while on these supposed grand adventures is sincerely unconscionable.

But I digress. I have already written the journals of my time traveling with the Grey Wardens, and my reflections as a Spirit Healer supporting a major battle offensive are within. Thus I start a new journal here, detailing my notes and procedures as to the task I have been presented. I find it very hard to believe that these events would ever repeat themselves, a kingdom ruled by two Darkspawn-tainted Grey Wardens seeking an heir to the throne. However if my long life has taught me anything, it is that knowledge and wisdom in its own right needs to be shared and preserved. Should my efforts come to successful fruition, I can hardly envision a more wonderful and powerful use for a Spirit Healer's gift. Helping two people so genuinely in love and forge a new life together, for the good of their own hearts and the good of their people.

I am reminded yet again of how fortunate I have been in this life, even after all the self-inflicted trials and hardships of my youth. The Maker be praised.

* * *

17 Verimensis, 9:31

Going forward in this manuscript, I will refer to the Lady Elissa and King Alistair by their first names only. I understand that those looking back through the lens of history may see this as disrespectful or flippant. Remember, however, when I met both they were Grey Wardens, lacking titles and claims to any type of nobility, and this is how I came to know and love them both. They would personally be offended, or at best think that I'm being dreadfully silly, were I to refer to them by any other name or title. History may say many things about Wynne the Spirit Mage, but I absolutely refuse to allow of it to think of me as silly.

In addition, dear reader, please note that I will be speaking bluntly about certain very personal and private matters within this journal. If you are squeamish about such things I recommend shelving this manuscript instantly. Matters of reproduction cannot be seriously discussed without touching on certain things which would not be considered polite dinner conversation. That being said, I will attempt to keep such matters as clinical advice and information only. May the Maker forgive me if I lapse into impropriety.

It was just about a week ago when Elissa approached me requesting my assistance, and I have spent much time contemplating her request since. The events of the Landsmeet had been swift and passionate, and it was only afterwards that she had learned from Alistair that he had never once heard of a Grey Warden conceiving a child after performing the Joining. The very weapon they used against the Darkspawn, ingesting in a small bit of their essence and thus allowing them to battle against them more effectively, changed them on a very base level. Over time, these changes will take over their entire selves, and most Grey Wardens choose to end their lives prematurely down in the depths of the Deep Roads. But I shall not go into those factors here and now, for the effects of the taint on those who voluntarily suffer its burdens is highly documented elsewhere.

Having one parent with the taint in their veins would make conceiving a child hard enough… but could a child grow in the womb of a Grey Warden and survive? Let alone one conceived by a father who also carries the same taint? I could, possibly, see a man fathering a child in his first few years subjected to the taint, when its grip on him was not as strong as it will surely be in later years. But for a woman, whose very body will nourish the child for the better part of a year? The chances seem poor at best. Or worse, if a child could survive, would it be born human, or as… something else? Could the mother even bear such a child and live? The consequences of such an event could indeed be dire.

Thus were the concerns that Elissa and I discussed this afternoon. I did not shield her from my darker postulations on the issue. She and I have spent many a night resting outside my tent while traveling, discussing our varied views on the world. I will not do her the indignity of sparing her my darker thoughts, no matter what role she may be playing now in the annuls of history.

I do have some hope to offer for the situation, however. While no Spirit Healer can drive the taint completely from a person's veins once they consume it, I do believe I temporarily drive the taint out of small areas of the body. Once that is accomplished, I can create a magical barrier around these limited areas, and prevent the taint from entering them for a time. If this theory is sound, I should be able to drive the taint from Elissa's womb and quickening glands for a time, and allow them to be able to accept her future husband's seed. The downside I see to this is that no magical shield lasts very long… let alone the months a body needs to nurture a child. The best shields last only hours. I would have to re-cast the shields morning, noon, and night, in order for them to have any long-term effects.

Knowledge may be power, but the raw stamina required for such an endeavor may be beyond what I can muster. I will need to beseech Irving and the Circle for an assistant for this endeavor, and soon. Time is of the essence here. Elissa said she will speak with Alistair as soon as the opportunity presents itself. I will need to send a message at once, when and if they decide they want to test my theory.

If I know anything of politics, yet alone the heady insanity of young love, I should draft the message now and simply pass it to a messenger as soon as they say the word.

* * *

18 Verimensis, 9:31

It becomes blatantly obvious to all that a king is young and deeply in love when he will cancel holding court for the day to spend it conversing with an old wizened witch bearing questionable promises. Now that I think on it, I do believe Alistair did indeed call me wicked once, while discussing this very topic in fact. I may have been teasing him mercilessly at the time, but that is neither here nor there.

Discussing a man's virility is always a touchy subject, not to be undertaken lightly. No matter what the cause, he will invariably take it as a slight against the very core of his manhood. I feel very fortunate in this instance, therefore, because in this case Alistair fully understood that it was the taint that was to blame, not any personal weakness of his own, perceived or imagined.

When I explained to him that the procedure would involve casting a spell shield around his seed glands several times a day, however… well, he took that far less amicably. Once he finished sputtering out his shock and horror, he said he would most likely agree to such a thing, once the time was right, and if it was the only way. I assured him of two things: one, that it was only way that I could possibly see being able to help them, and two, the procedure could effectively and safely be performed while wearing trousers.

As an aside… normally I would not commit thoughts such as these to parchment, but I've been worrying about it since this morning and simply cannot put it out of my head. At this point of our conversation, the oddest glance passed between Elissa and Alistair. They proceeded to ask several times if I was sure it was the only way to help them, almost as if they firmly believed I should have another answer. Which, of course, I did not.

Feelings of shock, fear, and a large sense of discomfort at the thought of an old mage casting spells over one's nether region, I could understand. But the guilt I saw in their eyes was unexplainable. They did not deem me as needing to know what was being unsaid, however. I note it here mostly in case my old mind does eventually move on and forget about it, lest it have some bearing on something in the future.

Moving on, here is my plan, as I laid out to the young royal couple. First, Alistair would need to allow me to cast the taint-shield on his seed glands for at least a month, to give his body time to heal as well as to start producing viable taint-free seed. Secondly, I would then need to start casting a similar shield on Elissa's womb and quickening glands during that same month, starting after the completion of her moon's blood. The chances are good here that I would pass Alistair's care to whatever assistant Irving deems worthy to send my way. I must remember to request a female mage be sent if at all possible, for I get the impression that our wayward king would run for the Frostback Mountains were I to turn this particular task over to another man. Thirdly, and this was the part that pained me the most, was that I had to tell them that I simply could not keep up with this kind of magic up forever, even with additional assistance from the Circle. If, despite all our best efforts, we do not see results within a handful of months, the plan may simply not be viable and we may need to stop. If we are successful, I will be facing many months of necessary treatments going forward, and the longer we pray to the Maker for a quickening, the longer the spells will need to be maintained. And I honestly do not know if I have that much time left before I pass to the Fade.

I have truly come to love these two Wardens as if they were my own children. I will go to any possible lengths to help them when and where I can… but I cannot promise aid past my death. Alistair insists yet again how "formidable" I am, and they both believe in my abilities as much as I believe in theirs. I feel irresponsible enough, promising to help them at all… but we all do desperate things at times for the ones we love. Never let it be said that I did not try.

Perhaps I should ask Irving to send two mages to assist me, an enchanter and an acolyte. But that would be a selfish request to make of the Circle, even in this time of post-blight relative peace. Love makes selfish fools of us all however. We shall see.


	2. Part 2

**The Last Beginning - Part 2**

21 Verimensis, 9:31

I have written to Irving and the Circle, beseeching that they send another healer to Denerim, as well as acolyte if they could spare both. Preferably female, but I will take whomever I can get. Irving, far more than most of the Circle, understands more about the whims of young people in love and desiring children. The rest, of course, will simply see it as a political necessity. I am hopeful that they will acquiesce to my request, and I am confident that Irving will fight for my cause if only to please the young woman trapped within my aging body.

I am pleased yet reserved that Alistair and Elissa are wanting to go forward with my plan. They deserve this happiness, and beyond that, if the events of the past year have taught us anything, Ferelden needs an heir to the throne. I sincerely doubt that there are any more of Meric's by-blows lurking in some forgotten corner of Thedas. If there are, they were not born under the nose of an arl, and thus have no idea of the royal blood in their veins. This is probably for the best overall, but it does not solve this problem of the taint.

13 Pluitanis, 9:31

I received a reply from the Circle today. Irving will not just be sending a mage to assist me, but Senior Enchanter Leborah herself, my old colleague. He also states that my old student Petra volunteered to accompany Leborah, and was so adamant in her desire to assist with this task that he couldn't leave her behind in good conscience. The plan, Irving states, is for him to accompany Leborah and Petra when they travel to Denerim for the royal wedding come late Nubulis. Several other notable figures from the Circle, as well as Knight-Commander Greagoir and several Templars, will be accompanying them. The wedding itself is scheduled for the last day of Eluviesta, which will allow for beautiful spring weather, but it will also make for abysmally bad travel for the wedding guests. Poor Irving. I don't envy him the trip.

Elissa is overjoyed. Alistair quipped something along the lines of letting the entire Circle of Magi into their bedchamber. He stated that he was losing hope that he would be the only one in the room with a long, thick staff in his hand. Which, in his own ridiculous way, means he's touched and thankful as well.

29 Pluitanis, 9:31

The wedding plans are coming along as only these things can come along; slowly, painfully, and with the threat of Elissa going bald from pulling her hair out. She is a warrior at heart, not a princess, but the seneschal appointed to organizing the wedding just doesn't see that. He wants her approval on everything, and refuses to believe that she simply does not care much for anything except being declared Alistair's wife and queen when the day is done. I know this doesn't seem like something I should be writing here in this particular manuscript, but I mention it because I feel the need to intervene here, for the sake of her health. We will most likely being the treatments before the actual wedding day, and the additional stress could make things more difficult. I will speak to him and see if I can change his approach.

1 Nubulis, 9:31

Speaking with the seneschal has proven… difficult. I have decided to try a more unorthodox approach, much as it pains me. I spoke with Elissa, and recommended that she grant Zevron the authority to sign off on any wedding decision on her behalf. As much as I despise the vile Antivan and his inappropriate humor, the thought of sicking him on this particular problem seems fitting somehow. She agreed, and stated that they would probably spend every waking moment planning the event, morning and night. Especially night. I suppose that's one way to get him out of our hair for the next two months. The way he eyes Elissa has always gotten my dander up, and if she were to suddenly become fertile ground, as it were… I trust that elf not at all. If he's infatuated with a fancy serving boy, more's the better.

28 Nubulis, 9:31

A messenger arrived today, stating that Irving's party from the mage tower was about a week away from arriving in Denerim. Preparations have begun to set up apartments for Leborah and Petra. I envision taking shifts maintaining the necessary taint-shields, with whomever casts the evening spell staying nearby overnight, so that the spell can be re-cast as soon as possible in the morning.

The more and more I think about how the next year will play out, the more nervous I become. I wonder what I've truly committed myself and my colleagues to, and whether or not our efforts will be all for naught. But I must stay positive in front of the Wardens. If I appear to be losing hope, it will infect them and dampen their spirits.

Talking of spirits, the spirit that sustains me has been very quiet lately. It hasn't faded, but it certainly hasn't gained any strength either. I hope that the extra support in Leborah and Petra on hand will help to prevent myself from becoming over exhausted. Time will tell.

5 Eluviesta, 9:31

Irving's party arrived yesterday, the first of many groups to arrive for the festivities. Alistair called the first of many pre-wedding feasts, to celebrate the coming together of those who aided the Wardens on their path to stopping the Blight. It touched me to learn that Dagna, the dwarven girl that we recommended for study at the Circle, had decided to accompany the group. She is a joy to talk to; her spirit is infectious. I think I may even have a chat with her about the original subject of this manuscript. I realize that I am rambling off my original topic here, dear reader, but I hope you can find it in your heart to indulge an old woman the chance to write about something she considers worthy of documenting.

It is good to have the camaraderie of my fellow mages around me again. I do not regret my decision to stay at court, but it has been a challenge for me emotionally. Perhaps I can convince Irving to retire once my chosen endeavor comes to a close, regardless of its outcome. It would be nice to spend time with him, outside of the stresses of the Circle. But those are thoughts for another day, when I have consumed fewer flagons of ale.

7 Eluviesta, 9:31

Leborah, Petra and I met today, and I explained my plan to them more in detail. We are all in agreement that a shield constructed to block only the magic of the taint should hopefully accomplish our goals. Physical functions should carry on as normal within the shield, and blood should pass through the barrier unhindered. Only the taint would be blocked from entering. Initially banishing the taint from the necessary organs and glands, however, will not be easy. What will probably need to happen is that one of us shall need to focus on shifting the taint out of the target area, while another one sets up the walls of the shield once all has been removed. Maintaining the shield after that point should not be too difficult, just time intensive and demanding. Maker give me strength.

9 Eluviesta, 9:31

Leborah and I commenced the initial phase of treatment on Alistair today. By the Maker, do men EVER grow up? I know this is Alistair I am speaking of, but he should thank Andraste that I'm so willing to overlook his jocular manner. I know it is just his way of dealing with emotions he'd rather not leave exposed. His armor, if you will.

But this fact does little to make it less infuriating at times.

My impressions are that the procedure went extremely well. Since we are only dealing with a small percentage of his body, relocating the taint outside of his seed glands was surprisingly much easier than I expected. Leborah cast the initial shield, and she is maintaining it at the moment. We shall re-examine things in the morning, to see whether or not any traces of the taint have returned to the glands.

10 Eluviesta, 9:31

Upon examination this morning, while attempting to ignore yet another comment about "no longer being impure", it appears that the taint shield is holding nicely. The subtle physical damage caused by the taint is still there, however, so it remains to be seen whether or not Alistair's body will be able to heal itself. I must keep this brief, for the shield is currently my burden. Perhaps this will get easier, given time… I do not look forward to the time where we are maintaining shields on both Alistair and Elissa. Once Leborah and I are comfortable with this, however, we will teach Petra. That will alleviate some of our burden.

17 Eluviesta, 9:31

Petra has taken the night shift, and I am very grateful to be able to sleep at a proper time of day. She is young, and more resilient to such an upside-down way of living.

Naturally, nature can not leave well enough alone. Elissa informed me today that her moon blood has started. We have only a few days to prepare before we will need to start treating and shielding her as well.

Maker let our efforts not be in vain.

20 Eluviesta, 9:31

Events are flying fast and furious now, so I barely have time to write.

Arl Eamon and his retinue from Redcliffe have arrived. Much to Oghren's pleasure, the representatives of King Bhelen and the dwarven assembly are now here. I can only hope they don't finish off all the good ale before the wedding.

The bard Leliana has returned from wandering the countryside, and apparently has penned a ballad describing our final battle against the Archdemon. Were I younger, this would have set my heart alight with pride. Now, though, I'm mostly thankful that she did not include the term "elder mage" anywhere in it.

Our most surprising guest by far is that of the Dalish Keeper, Laryna, along with few of her warriors. Her curiosity about the outside world finally overcame her fear of it, though I worry that she may have picked a most chaotic time to visit. I must remember to stop by and say hello, and try to make her feel more comfortable. Perhaps she will have word from Anarian. They have put her and the other Dalish in a tower high and far from the bustle of court, but I do not think it is enough.

Now if I wasn't so blasted tired all the time, I could properly enjoy all this company. As it is, keeping my head afloat and conscious is at the limit of my abilities.

21 Eluviesta, 9:31

The time has come to cast our wards on Elissa. Petra has agreed to take on maintaining Alistair's wards full-time. This plan concerns me greatly, because even if the spell can last for hours while not consciously being maintained, she will still need to wake in the middle of the night and re-kindle the spell. Plus, in this time period, the spell will weaken, if only slightly… and this is the most critical time for Alistair's involvement in the procedure. Her devotion is unwavering, and all our spirits depend on working together and having faith in one another's abilities.

Andraste's mercy, the wedding is only a mere 9 days away. I wonder, would it have killed us to wait a month until after it was over to being this? For it may indeed kill me for having started when we did.

But no. I've known this from the beginning. The sooner we begin, the less damage there is to overcome. The only reason we waited so long in the first place is because weddings between heads of state are horrifically complex affairs to coordinate. Politically, it would have been unwise for it to be publicly known that any child of Alistair and Elissa's union was conceived before they were bound in the eyes of the Maker, especially so soon after coercing the Landsmeet to accept Maric's bastard as the true heir to the throne.

These events are thankfully temporary. Soon, the chaos will die down, and may even someday be wistfully missed. But right now, I can only wait patiently until I and my fellow mages will be able to focus completely on the task at hand. The Maker guide and preserve us.

22 Eluviesta, 9:31

In theory, one would think that the casting and sustaining of a taint shield would be a task of equal effort, no matter the body one was trying to work within. In practice, however, this could not be farther from the truth.

I could not have anticipated how much harder it would be to maintain a taint-shield in a woman's body. There appears to be a fundamental difference between how the sexes deal with the taint. In men, it slowly causes corruption and changes. There is an odd sense of… acceptance, perhaps. That this taint, while not something to be embraced, is not something foreign or hurtful either. It is just… a manifestation of a change. Slow, twisting, warping change, but not an evil to host an Exalted March against.

This could not be further from the truth when speaking of a female Grey Warden.

Every fibre of Elisa's being fights the taint. Tries to keep it from hurting her, from changing her. I am uncertain if this is a unique phenomenon, or one that all female Wardens, few as they have been, have suffered from. It is said that male Wardens will slowly go mad and turn into ghouls… while female Wardens turn into something else. Something far more vile and Maker-forgotten. May you never be so unfortunate as to travel to the Deep Roads, to witness the horror that is a Broodmother.

I should have made the connection earlier, I really should have. But I had assumed that such a manifestation of the taint required something more than just the Joining of the Grey Wardens. The consumption of Darkspawn flesh. Over-exposure to lyrium. The simple passage of time. Something besides mere exposure.

Perhaps the more extreme abominations do require such, for Elissa is in no immediate danger of turning into a fanged, tentacled, flesh-hungry Darkspawn. But the act of moving the taint out of her femaleness is proving far more difficult than moving it out of Alistair's maleness. Her body's inherent rejection of the taint makes it resist such movements strongly. It is not a matter of placing a stone in a stream and having the water part around it. It is more akin to trying to push a boulder up a steep hill. Her body has the taint in complete balance, a balance caused by mutual hatred rather than cooperation. No part of her self will accept more than any other.

We did manage to clear one of her quickening glands, and Leborah is shielding it now. I will relieve her in a couple hours time. But on the morrow, we will need to maintain and expand the existing shield far beyond that small walnut-sized area. It will not be easy. Perhaps I will request Irving's assistance, while he is still here in Denerim and doing so will not pull him away from his duties to the Circle beyond that which he is already being asked to do. I believe that once we establish the shields, we three will be able to maintain it. It is this initial flushing that is proving most vexing.

22 Eluviesta, 9:31

Irving graciously, if reluctantly, agreed to aid Leborah and I in the remaining cleansing ritual. He resists out of a sense of propriety, but accepts out of a sense of duty. He knows that the Wardens are responsible for the liberation of the Tower, and admits this is why he sent a Senior Enchanter as well as a fully trained mage to assist in my endeavor. Still, I believe he is not comfortable touching a woman young enough to be his granddaughter in such an intimate fashion, even if it is only through his powers and not physically.

With his help, I am pleased to say that we successfully cast a taint shield around Elissa's womb, and both quickening glands.

Let me step back a moment. I would have explained this more yesterday, but I was so frustrated with the fight the taint was giving us, it completely slipped my mind. A mage with healing talents can use their powers to almost see within a person's body. It is not sight, not in the way that our eyes use light to create pictures. It is more of a feeling… not unlike sticking ones hand into a bowl of oatmeal and feeling around for the raisins. This is how I know that a woman's quickening glands are approximately the size of a walnut, and more importantly, how to find them. The procedure on a woman is much more feel-and-guess than it is on a man. Where to cast such a spell on a man is blatantly obvious. On a woman, you have to first use your healer's sight to find what you are looking for, and then hold onto it long enough to ensure your magics are properly directed.

The shield is currently about the size of two dessert plates, one placed upside-down on top of another to create a cavity between. It is more than double the size of the shield that Petra is valiantly withholding over Alistair. It is much harder to maintain, but not impossible. Irving is holding it for now, since I spearheaded the cleansing ritual, but now that I have taken a quick nap and taken time to record my findings, I shall go to relieve him.

Please, Maker, I know these things cannot be hurried. But if your eye and Andraste's grace could shine upon us, I would be grateful. I must find the strength to hold out long enough to at least say that we have done all we can do.


	3. Part 3

**The Last Beginning - Part 3**

30 Eluviesta, 9:31

I put quill to parchment now, in the pre-dawn hours before I head out to relieve Laborah's overnight shift. The awaited day is finally upon us, the bright spot we have all been awaiting since that fateful day six months ago when the Archdemon was brought to task by our Royal Wardens.

Keeping the shields kindled from sunup to sundown has been a strain on my resources. Irving has been helping some, but we both know that he will need to return to the Circle Tower sooner than later once today's events are concluded. I can't say the burden is any lighter, but I becoming accustomed to its weight. If the Maker wills, we will soon come to a day where Petra will be able to enter our rotation.

But today, we rejoice, both as a nation and as friends. Ferelden has reason to be happy again, and all should lift a pint of ale and a proud cheer in honor of our new King and Queen, and the honor of all who dwell within her borders.

1 Molioris, 9:31

It is finished. King Alistair and his now-Queen Elissa have been joined in the eyes of the Maker and by the laws of men. May the Maker bless their union.

If the looks on their sleeping faces in the pre-dawn hour this morning are any indication, he has thrice blessed them. I felt terribly awkward, slipping into their chambers that morning, but the spell does require some level of proximity, especially when assuming or rekindling the shield. However, if I know those two even a little bit, this is not the first, nor the last, awkward time a mage will quietly sneak into their private sanctum, in the name of love and the greater good.

Please note, for a short time I will digress from the original intent of my manuscript. A royal wedding is also something that deserves to be documented, I do believe. I do those I love a disservice not to do so. It is also a good exercise for me to learn how to focus on the shields while devoting another part of my brain to another task, such as writing down my memories of yesterday before they scuttle off into the Fade.

It was like a day plucked out of a song. The spring sun shown through the stained glass windows of the castle Chantry. Early spring flowers were tied to every bench, and it appeared that every sprouting daffodil in the kingdom had been cut and placed into vases. One of the very few requests that Elissa had from the beginning was a bouquet of roses, though finding them after a hard Ferelden winter was difficult at best. Surprisingly, the Antivan came through for her here. He mentioned a "mutual friend" who was able to sail north to Antiva and return with several potted rosebushes. Most were red, but a few of them were an indigo purple, almost blue but not quite. I had never seen their like before. Perhaps I have underestimated the once-Crow. Alistair gave orders to have them planted in the royal gardens, now that their flowers were harvested.

If I hadn't known better, I would have never recognized the King and Queen as the two young Grey Wardens I met at Ostigar. Alistair wore a beautiful set of ceremonial plate armor, crafted for beauty and grace, not battle and bulk. Enameled in white, it was emblazoned with the blue gryphon of the Grey Wardens. The only thing recognizable about him was that ridiculous grin that always graced his face when he looked at his lady love. And Elissa… Maker's Breath, was this the same woman I'd seen covered in blood and gore so many times? With whom I trekked over hill and dale, caked mud on her boots and dust in her hair? It was almost too much to believe. Her auburn hair was braided in a circle around the top and sides of her head. Tiny dried white flowers were interspersed within the braid, brought back from Leliana's wanderings, she told me. Her dress was cloth-of-silver, embroidered with royal blue designs and edging. Some tittered behind cupped hands about the princess-consort not wearing a white silken dress, but in their ignorance they missed the point completely. They stood before us today as King and Queen of Ferelden, yes, but also as Grey Wardens. They did not want that to be forgotten this day, for better or for worse.

The ceremony went on seemingly for hours, but it was probably not anywhere near that long. I was sitting in a place of honor, the first row just off to the right of the royal couple, but it was not honor that placed me there. I must admit, I did not pay attention to the whole of the ceremony, for there were times I had to focus too soundly on maintaining Elissa's taint-shield. It pushed at the barrier it constantly, fighting against the imbalance the rest of Elissa's being simply could not tolerate. Petra sat next to me, starry-eyed as only a young girl witnessing a song-tale wedding could be.

In a surprising move of efficiency for such a behemoth of an operation, the last bit of the ceremony was turned over to Elissa's coronation. The Grand Cleric declared her Queen of Ferelden, and placed an exquisite silverite crown on her head. Its centerpiece was a heraldic gryphon, enameled in blue, flanked by the two white wings of Highever. I often forget that she is the daughter of a teyrn; it is one of many mantles she has been granted in her short life. She wears them all as gracefully as her newly minted crown, however, so I try not to worry about how these loyalties have the potential to pull her in many different directions all at once. They are not unlike the struggles her new husband faces, and I have every faith they can face what life throws at them, together.

My chosen burden coupled with my advanced age did not allow me to partake in the wedding feast as much as I may have once liked. But such revels have always been best enjoyed by the young. The seemingly endless courses of food, the music, the dancing, the free-flowing ale and wine. And the speeches. Maker help me, I had forgotten the endless vying for the spotlight by those who wished to shower praises on the newly wedded couple. I said a few words myself, but only after I was spurred to anger by the speech the Antivan gave. I simply cannot abide his cocky manner. His audacity to claim that it was he that orchestrated Elissa and Alistair's union may have been funny to some, those who were not there and did not know the true story. By the Maker, someone had to return some level of solemnity to this event! The hour was much too soon for it to have dissolved into drunken revelry quite just yet.

Not that one would make such a judgment based off of Oghren's follow-up drunken toast. With what I hoped was the last dessert course finished, I knew the dancing would start soon. I did not transfer the shield's burden to Leborah before then, it could be quite some time before I could take the young queen aside to accomplish the task. I made note of this to Elissa, who sent Alistair to tell the annoying seneschal that the queen needed a short break from the festivities. He agreed, but forbade me from disappearing after our task was completed. When I asked him whether or not that was a royal command, he said that it could be, should I choose to take it as one. However, were I to do that, he would then start sending me other royal commands, such as "Wash my royal socks" or "Mend my royal shirt". I asked him how this would change anything, since he had no compunction before about asking such things of me. He just smiled, and reminded me that indeed, perhaps being king really didn't change how we should treat each other.

It was the first true glimmer of true wisdom I had ever seen out of Alistair. I hope it is not the last. Ferelden would benefit from such a king.

After we returned to the great hall, Leborah shouldering our shared burden once again, it was time for the dancing to begin. I knew that they were both dreading this part of the night. Several weeks ago, when Leliana offered to teach the couple what she knew of such things, Elissa mentioned having had some dancing lessons at Highever. From what little she remembered of them, they were almost reminiscent of the dueling lessons she'd received. Alistair asked her which part of the lessons she referred to, grinning wickedly. Elissa turned a shade of pink I'd only before seen on Alistair's face, and threw a nearby pillow at him. She refused to discuss what he was referring to in front of me. Even Leliana giggled like a little girl, clearly in on whatever joke passed between them. The burdens we bear for being old and revered are numerous, I suppose.

Leliana apparently taught them something beyond jokes, however, for they looked stunning. Even Alistair didn't look completely and horridly out of place. And after they were finished, he approached me and bowed. I reminded him that kings bow before no one, to which he responded that even kings should bow before their revered grandmothers. I laughed, but accepted when he then offered the next dance to me. Dear Maker, it had been so long… the Circle was not known for its grand galas. He assured me that no one would notice them, gesturing toward his lady wife who was in the process of escorting Oghren out to the center of the dance area. A beautiful woman with a drunken dwarf, he claimed, were certain to draw all the more judgmental eyes away from us.

No matter what the histories may come to say about our King Alistair, let it be known from mine own hand that he is always, first and foremost, a gentlemen who knew how to protect the honor of an old woman. I truly believe that Ferelden rests safely in his hands and the hands of his queen.

What worries me is the fact that they had taken their combined future, and the stability of Ferelden's future, firmly out of their hands and confidently pressed it into mine. Andraste's golden knickers, I am too old for these kinds of weighty responsibilities!


	4. Part 4

**The Last Beginning - Part 4**

3 Molioris, 9:31

All good things must come to an end. Our guests, seemingly having arrived so soon, have begun to depart. The Dalish were the first to leave, not surprisingly, but Laryna has promised to return to court as her clan's travels will it. She trusts our new rulers; perhaps this will lead to good things for both the elves and the humans of Ferelden.

Arl Eamon and his wife have decided to remain here at court. Eamon claims he had thoughts of this nature soon after the end of the Blight, but he returned to Redcliffe to help ensure that his lands were in good condition before making his next move. He has officially turned over his lands to his brother Teagan. With his only son, Connor, recently becoming an acolyte mage and thus officially invalidating his birthright, I certainly cannot blame the arl for this decision.

His move does not come without a bit of scandal, however. A bit shy of a month previous to now, in a ceremony that was hurried into being and accompanied by much tittering among the lords of the Bannorn, Teagan married a girl from Redcliffe village named Kaitlyn. Most did not protest too loudly, for at the time Teagan was simply the bann of a small little-known bannorn, one who's brother was clearly in a position of strength and trust with Ferelden's newly crowned king. Raising the girl from being simply a bann's wife to an arlessa caused much more of a stir, but they were mutterings of discontent and not outright grievances. Teagan is a fine man, and even Elissa admitted to me in confidence that if she had not already fallen so wholly for Alistair before meeting him, she would have probably have broached a more formal arrangement with Teagan after the fighting was done. I can't help wondering if there is more going on with this match than meets the eye, but perhaps my old suspicious nerves are taking grip of me again.

As an interesting aside, Elissa knows of this girl, which I had no inkling of until she arrived with the Redcliffe entourage. She near about lept into Elissa's outstretched arms upon their reunion, the reason for this over exuberance clearly not obvious to the casual observer. As it turns out, Elissa had worked with this girl while preparing for the Battle of Redcliffe, securing Kaitlyn's family heirloom sword for her efforts. The compensation Kaitlyn received from her was enough to open up a successful foundry in Denerim. As it turns out, this foundry was then hired by Teagan to craft the upgraded equipment for Redcliffe's soldiers, using funds which were provided by the Wardens to the arling so that they could prepare for the upcoming campaign against the Darkspawn horde. I always find it interesting how our kindnesses in life sometimes come back to us a thousand fold. Situations like this make me question whether or not the Maker truly has turned his eye from us, even if he only blinks at us now and again.

There is talk around court about the royal couple making a grand tour of Ferelden. There are many official reasons given: so that the royal couple can meet with banns and arls that were unable to attend the wedding, so that the true damages of the Blight can be surveyed, so that the common folk can get a glimpse of their new rulers. All I know is that such a tour would complicate my plans. I will need to speak with Alistair and Elissa, and make them understand that such a tour will need to be delayed until either a quickening occurs, or we decide to stop this treatment. Between the three of us, a single shield could be maintained while traveling. But this two-pronged operation we find ourselves embroiled in right now would be troublesome.

Maker's Breath, did we not just circle Ferelden at least a dozen times in the past year? At least this time, if things proceed happily, I can insist that a carriage be procured for our Queen. Convincing her of the necessity of riding within, however, will be far more of a challenge.

6 Molioris, 9:31

We have come to an understanding about this Royal Circuit, as people here at court are calling it. Either we wait until we are certain Elissa is with child, and are sure we can move onto the next state of treatment without major concerns, or… if we reach Matrinalis without result, we will need to stop. We mages cannot carry on like this forever. In addition, such a procession will take months to circle Ferelden. Late summer is the latest that such an endeavor can safely being if the plan is to return to Denerim by the onset of winter.

I did not broach the subject of carriage travel with Elissa yet… it is a battle for another day, when and if it becomes relevant. No need to besiege that castle yet, for that will only give her time to build up her defenses and garner support. Maker knows tasks like that are what she was born for.

9 Molioris, 9:31

After the chaos of the past month, the palace halls seem oddly silent. The normal noises of a functioning castle cannot hold a candle to the cacophony and bustle of one preparing for a once in a lifetime royal gathering.

Irving and the others from the Circle left this morning. He stated that he would seriously consider joining me here at court, once he was able to set his affairs in order and appoint his chosen successor as First Enchanter. He offered me the position yet again, and yet again I refused. I suggested that I may be able to convince the royal entourage to visit the Circle during the forecoming Circuit. Alistair and I have had several preliminary talks about his wishes to improve the lot of mages in Ferelden, so a stop at the Circle could have a political motivation as well. We could collect Irving at that time, if he is willing to accompany me. I hope he agrees for his own reasons, and not out of concern for me and my chosen burdens.

Leboarh and I are doing well enough, I suppose, under the constant strain. I am sleeping a lot more than I used to, but that appears to be the only side effect. Petra, however, is holding up as only the young can, for which I thank the Maker. Without her, there is no way we two could have a chance of maintaining both shields.

Sadly, I have noticed no change in Elissa's condition. I am honestly not sure how quickly I would know, were a quickening to occur... detecting life's first glimmers are something beyond the skills of even the most trained healers. I will do a more in-depth investigation after Elissa's first missed moon blood.

15 Molioris, 9:31

Our first month of treatments have proven unsuccessful. Elissa informed me today that her moon blood came again. The poor child. I assured her that we certainly have not failed yet… but this still hurts her deeply. There are few things sadder than watching a proud warrior queen weep. We shall continue, and pray that Andraste rewards our vigilance. However, since Andraste favors those who put their efforts behind their hearts, I must expound upon my efforts to find help in moving Elissa's condition along.

21 Molioris, 9:31

I have been researching more traditional fertility treatments, in the hopes of augmenting Elissa's reproductive capabilities. Unfortunately, many of the "treatments" I'm finding are much more in the realm of superstition and foly than true herbalism. In separating the wheat from the chaf, I have been able to determine that a tea made from red clover, nettle, and elfroot could possibly have some effect. It will certainly not harm her, even if it does not help her.

In addition, I intend to pen letters to several of the other healers I know around Ferelden. It may not hurt to send a request for aid to the Circle in Orlais. The home of the Chantry, Orlais has always drawn more spirit healers to its borders than other nations. Perhaps there will be one there that could provide some helpful insight.

12 Ferventis, 9:31

Another month has passed, with no viable results. I try to refrain from probing my powers into Elissa's womb, in order to keep things inside as un-touched as possible. Many things can go wrong with a quickening, and I do not want to be the cause of more variables. My interventions are invariably causing them already. But, after having done this for two months now, I have begun to get an inkling of how Elissa's ebbs and flows cycle. Elissa seemed surprised, when she came to tell me the news, and I explained as much to her. Perhaps if this happened again next month, I can at least give her the privacy of her grief.

She still drinks the tea made from the herbs I provide her at every meal, but I fear for how long Leboarh and I can manage under the strain. Even Petra is starting to show wear on her sharp youthful edges. The sooner we can aid along a quickening, the sooner we can take another step closer to the end of our task.

29 Ferventis, 9:31

Messages travel so much faster in the warmer months, with more travelers on the road and more hours of daylight. For that I am grateful. I received word from a mage in Orlais, by the name of Odelle. Aside from an herbal concoction quite similar to the one I've already deduced, she offered two interesting bits of advice.

The first was that she had once helped an Orlesian noble lady with a similar issue. When applied in small, controlled doses, she had found that the same healing magic that helped internal injuries heal properly could be used to stimulate the quickening glands. The spell was applied using a different technique, however. Normally, this magic is applied at the injured ends of the endangered flesh or organ. The magics then seek one another out to create a bond which then allows the flesh to heal naturally. She recommends filling both quickening glands with such magic. The difficult part is that there is no definite wound to cast the spell on. The entire quickening gland needs to be penetrated with the magic, not just the edge or a surface. The spell needs to be cast daily over the beginning half of the woman's moon cycle.

The second item was more of an aside, but it immediately brought back memories of when I traveled with the Wardens. Odelle states to make sure that Elissa is eating heartily at her meals. In her experience, "woman of lesser means" as she delicately puts it, can encounter problems when trying to conceive. I couldn't help but snicker to myself at first glance, for as we learned on our journeys one of the lesser-known effects of the taint is an increased appetite. But when I thought more seriously about it, I realized that perhaps this information may mean more to Elissa's circumstance than just a chuckle to myself. I met our Queen after she became a Grey Warden, but in my experience she has always been a woman of solid sinew and muscle, and very little extra flesh. If the taint is somehow absorbing some of the nourishment that her food provides, there would be very little left to build up significant enough reserves. I shall speak with Elissa and the head cook about this first thing tomorrow.

1 Solis, 9:31

It is too late in her cycle for the spell to have any benefit this time, but nevertheless I made my first attempt using Odelle's healing technique on Elissa. More as a trial run than anything, so that I can be familiar with it before its need comes into its time. I must say, compared to the efforts needed to repel the taint, this spell requires little effort. Steady concentration on the healer's sight to aim it effectively, but no worse than healing any other invisible injury.

I will continue this on a daily basis, at the end of Leborah's shield-shift. If events show a quickening this month, I will stop. If not, the treatment and the routine will be in place. We have but one more month before the Royal Circuit begins, and our stamina reserves are depleting. Let us hope that this technique will make a positive difference.

9 Solis, 9:31

Another month's effort comes to naught. Though, perhaps I should not be so self-defeating. I have learned much in the last three months. Aside from being exhausted all the time, I am much more familiar with the spells and techniques. If nothing less, this document has resulted from my efforts, and its knowledge may aid those who come after me. I only wish I could do more.

17 Solis, 9:31

The first properly timed week of the new treatments has gone well. It is too soon to know whether or not they are actually helping matters, however. Elissa still drinks the fertility tea, though she grows quite tired of it. I have added peppermint, and sometimes chamomile, to the mixture. These additives do not add to the tea's effectiveness, they are purely for adding flavor and variety.

28 Solis, 9:31

It has been over two weeks since Elissa's last moon blood, so I am stopping Odette's procedure. Given that the Royal Circuit is scheduled to leave in mid-Matrinalis, I fear this morning may be the last time I visit this part of the treatment. I do not want to make more promises that I have already made… perhaps, after the Circuit returns to Denerim… but that is months in the future. I am surprised on a daily basis that I am still here writing these words. I wonder how long my guardian spirit will keep me here, while I also wonder how aware it is of events going on around me. Does it know that I am on a quest to create life? Does it feel my love for Alistair and Elissa? Or do the musings of when my own death will arrive amuse it, and it keeps me alive out of a sick sense of perversion? No. That cannot be it. I have not once felt the slightest speck of maliciousness from this spirit. All I can do is continue forward, and be thankful for every day wherein I open my eyes to the next sunrise.

31 Solis, 9:31

Something feels… different. If the taint were a living thing, I would say it was hungry. It pushes on the shield more than before, prying its defenses for weakness. The doting old grandmother in me wants to take this change as a positive sign, but its implications worry me. The taint is clearly seeking something. If its efforts keep up like this, presuming that which I dare not yet hope for is true... no. I shall not speak of it yet, let alone put word to paper. It is far too soon.

2 Matrinalis, 9:31

Elissa is complaining of headaches, and has been retiring to bed earlier than usual. And the taint continues its relentless clawing on the shield. I dare not say anything to anyone besides Leborah at this point, but I am cautiously optimistic. My fellow mage does agree with my assessment that the shield's structure has been being tested more than before. Or perhaps we are just tired and losing focus. Perhaps our labors are coming to an abrupt, unsuccessful end.

10 Matrinalis, 9:31

Elissa finally requested that I probe her womb with my healer's gift, since she expected her moons blood several days past. Unfortunately, not even my sight is strong enough to see the child of a quickening so soon after its conception. I boldly took the opportunity, however, to breach the idea of riding in a carriage while on the Royal Circuit. She took such a suggestion with about the amount of venom I expected. I shall speak to Alistair as well in private, since the Circuit is scheduled to leave 10 days hence. Preparations must start as soon as possible if we need to procure a carriage.

12 Matrinalis, 9:31

I must remember to employ Alistair more often, in matters of coercing the fiery Elissa to conform to matters of her own good. I did not tell him why I wanted Elissa traveling by carriage and not on horseback, but he already suspected. When I asked how he proposed to ensure Elissa's compliance, he tells me, "You say that like I'm going to give her a choice." I realize that statement sounds harsh in black and white, without his biting tone and giant mabari-pup grin on his face. Elissa's well-being has clearly become his duty, more than usual that is. She knows first hand how inflexible he can be in matters of duty.

15 Matrinalis, 9:31

I have never seen someone to be so happy to wake up and immediately thrust her face in a chamber pot, nor a doting husband so willing to hold back her hair while she does so. While I still cannot confirm matters with my healer's sight, colloquial wisdom of such ancient tradition does not often lie in these matters. Granted, there is no guarantee at this very early stage that the quickening will not extinguish itself through no fault of anyone. Or from complications of the taint. Or by the will of the Maker. And given all the magic, both of live and of death, which have surrounded this conception… nothing is assured. Even if the child lives for the next nine months, we still have no guarantees that it will not be born a… no. To speak of such a think is to invite it into existence.

It is hard to tell those so young and in love that they must keep their greatest secret from everyone, especially on the eve of entertaining all the nobles of Ferelden for weeks on end. They have both promised, however unwillingly, to wait these first three months before sharing the news. Oh, I fully expect that it will leak out somewhere along our travels. I can't imagine Elissa not telling her brother Fergus, and I have a feeling Alistair told Eamon even before we had our conversation. He has had his own trials and tribulations in such matters, so I trust Eamon is smart enough to keep his mouth closed. I will check with him before we leave for the Circuit, just to make sure.

All that being said, after my shift is completed here I will be heading to the Chantry to give thanks to the Maker and Andraste. His gaze has fallen upon us, and we are in Andraste's hands now. I will need Her strength over the next nine months, if all goes well.


	5. Part 5

**The Last Beginning - Part 5**

17 Matrinalis, 9:31

Petra is now helping us maintain Elissa's taint shield. For the moment, she is only taking on a few hours in the evening. She too is rather amazed by the effort it takes, as compared to the burden she has been carrying for these past few months single-handedly.

We are going to have to develop a different rotation while on the road. Leborah will not be able to continue with her nocturnal schedule while we travel. We may need to go to a schedule similar to that which we used while traveling with the Wardens, where all are assigned a watch for part of the night. Perhaps we can make up for some of our efforts by napping in Elissa's carriage during the day.

Speaking of which, after much screaming, arguing, and pulling of hair, Elissa has finally agreed that riding in the carriage for most of our travels is for the best. If the group moves as slowly as I'm afraid it will, walking for restricted amounts of time will of course not be a problem. There is too much at stake here however for her to not have the option to rest as necessary. Granted, I may be being pushing for us to be too overprotective here… but we all know that this may be the one and only chance that events will ever grant us. Any risk that can be reduced is worth reducing, even slight ones. Most of the retinue will be walking anyway, only a handful of the nobles will be a-horse. Horseback riding, after all, is not as much a part of the Ferelden culture as it is in other places, such as Orlais. We will most likely have greater numbers of Mabari with us than we will horses.

I also need to start packing, Maker help me. Were the situation different, I would stay at court with Arl Eamon and aid him on the King's Consul, as is my place as a Court Mage. But my duties have pointed me back to the open road, so to the road I must go. I should remember to see if I can track down some dried raspberry leaves, preferably before we leave, and change the makeup of Elissa's daily tea accordingly. My readings have told me that with a few subtle changes, the same tea that promotes fertility serves as a helpful pregnancy tea. I shall have to pay a visit to the herbalist's shop in the Market District tomorrow before we leave, or perhaps it would be wiser to send Petra.

19 Matrinalis, 9:31

I pen this now because I am unsure how often I will be able to write while on the road. Writing while riding in a carriage is impossible unless you enjoy being spattered with ink and constantly ruining good clothing. Far too reminiscent of the last time I traveled with the Wardens, except it was not ink which was constantly spattered everywhere.

Petra tells me that the herbalist she visited isn't too thrilled with me, for we about bought her out of her stocks of the things I requested from her. If I can find the time later this afternoon after I pass my burden on to Leborah, I will pay her a visit myself. To thank her both with words and with extra compensation. The future of Ferelden's stability is worth the time and cost.

Our plan is currently to start our travels by heading through northern Ferelden. The first scheduled stop is Amaranthine, to meet with the Grey Wardens from Orlais who have taken up residence there. Then on to Highever, to see Elissa's brother, West Hills, and the Circle Tower. Alistair insists on stopping in Redcliffe to see Bann Teagan. I am not sure if we will have the time, however. Kings do not move as quickly through the lands as small bands of warriors on a mission. Visiting Lothering, in my humble opinion, is much more important. With a Bann of questionable allegiance who abandoned his people to the Darkspawn, a visit from his new liege lords would be prudent, to at best ensure that he coordinating rebuilding efforts. The route back to Denerim will take us to South Reach and Dragon's Peak. If we have time, and our scouts can find them, we may wish to visit the Dalish as well, even if it is only part of our group who does so out of respect for their privacy.

It will be a long trek, and winter is always a wolf on the doorstep here in Ferelden. We may be solidly in the second half of summer now, but I would be surprised if we return to Denerim before the first snow flies. I feel responsible on some level for making us delay our journey for so long, thus I hope in the end it was for good reason.

23 Matrinalis, 9:31

We are currently two days from Amaranthine. Before we left, I wouldn't have believed that I'd be saying this, and I probably won't be saying it in a month, but it's good to be back on the road again. My improved spirits about the matter could easily be due to the fact that I'm not required to walk every step of the way this time. The fact that Elissa insists on having one of her staff set up our tent every night doesn't hurt matters either. Leborah, Petra and I have been granted what I would call a pavilion long before I'd call it a tent. I suppose there's a reason why we call this an entourage rather than a party or a band.

The evenings around the fire, while more crowded and bustling are certainly reminiscent of our travels while fighting the Darkspawn. Some faces are gone; Sten returned to his people, Oghren went off Maker knows where chasing after some dwarven barmaid, and Morrigan has been missing in action since the day we killed the Archdemon. Good riddance there, though I'm very suspicious of her hurried departure. Leliana still travels with us, and entertains us each night along with one of the court musicians who decided to come with us. The Antivan elf Zevron also accompanies us, much to my eternal chagrin. I do my best to ignore him and his ribald humor. He is a testament to Elissa's leadership, or so I tell myself. She can bind together very different personalities to support a common cause. It is harder to hold my tongue now than in the past however, since our purpose is a circle tour of Ferelden and not fighting the Blight. Success will be measured in how far we travel each day and in how much we accomplish with the various Banns and Arls, not in life or death fights against a common enemy. It makes it harder to gloss over personality traits in others which we find distasteful, and that's putting it lightly.

As much as I am enjoying them, I am still thankful that we are soon taking a break from our travels, if only for a few days. I think this has been harder on us, that is to say my fellow mages and the Queen, than we first imagined. Everyone else is taking this as a pleasure jaunt through the countryside, and I suppose to them it is. Elissa hasn't come to admit it yet, but I feel it's only a matter of time before she is thankful that we brought a carriage for her. Oh, she still scowls at me with a face full of Andraste's righteous wrath when we get into it each morning. I suppose the fact that I hold the door open and smile just so at her doesn't help reduce the tension any. Alistair's taken to calling me "Grandmother Wynne" as an actual title now, as he's firmly put the blame for our traveling arrangements on my shoulders. He's a good boy though; for all that he uses me as a scapegoat, he will not allow Elissa to overexert herself. In the end, that's what matters.

She is still ill most mornings and spends several hours a day dozing quietly, which I think aids our cause. Not that I wish these things on her of course, but even spirit healers can only do so much when it comes to the natural side effects of her condition. I know I had very little luck with such things, all those many years ago, trying to hide my condition from the Circle and the Templars for as long as possible. But those are stories for a separate reminiscence. One that shall not be put to parchment anytime soon.

26 Matrinalis, 9:31

Amaranthine is a beautiful place, perched atop a sea cliff overlooking the ocean which bears its name. Deep wine colored banners stream from the tops of all its towers, save for the tallest one which now heralds a white gryphon outlined in dark blue. The small contingent of Grey Warden troops sent from Orlais have been in residence for several months now, but any observer could see that clearly the castle still had a long way to go before it would be restored to its glory. From what I've been able to gather, the unrest we witnessed outside of the Arl of Denerim's estate was a problem here as well. Arl Howe seemingly did not take care of any of his holdings, seeing them more as a way to funnel funds into his own personal coffers. Elissa worries for her brother and what they will find in Highever. If Howe refused to care for that which he should have called home, how would he care for the holdings of those whom he conquered and slaughtered out of hand?

My fellow mages and I have been taking four hour shifts maintaining the taint shield. We each have two shifts a day now, but they are much more manageable and easier to recover from. I think if possible, we may continue this schedule when we return to Denerim.

27 Matrinalis, 9:31

As I write this, I find myself in an antechamber outside of the great hall here in Amaranthine. The senior Grey Wardens are all meeting in private, but I must stay within a certain proximity of Elissa. There is suspicion about this on the face of the Warden Commander, and I wonder why it would cause so many questioning glares. The simplest course would be to simply explain to them exactly what I'm doing here, but if the Grey Wardens are anything like the Cirlcle… no. Presuming this child makes it whole and hale into the world, it belongs to Ferelden and not some order of blood tainted warriors, no matter how noble their history and their cause. At this fragile stage of development, it is better that they remain ignorant of Elissa's condition. Too easy it would be right now for one to concoct an abortive potion and have it slipped into her food or drink, and none would be the wiser. Or, if they put the pieces together and realized that it was I and my fellow mages who were protecting this child, to simply call the Templars from the Amaranthine Chantry in the city below and put an end to our spell casting. No. They must not know until events warrant that we must reveal the news to all.

I worry though, for Elissa looked particularly green and wan this morning. When I asked her if she was feeling alright she laughed it off, saying she only hoped she wouldn't vomit in the Warden Commander's lap. I cannot put my finger on why, but there is no sense of camaraderie between our royal couple and these newly stationed Grey Wardens. The logical side of me says it could be due to the fact that the Wardens see Alistair and Elissa as having abandoned their order by taking up positions of leadership. Financial support is a wonderful thing, but it is no substitute for the personal investment of time and sweat. My intuition however says that there is more to it than that. They are hiding something, something that they won't discuss with anyone but of which they are clearly both aware. This feeling I have bothers me most when there are other Wardens about, and I see Alistair mentally don his sheltered Chantry boy armor. I know that boy too well, so I know that such airs are only an act. It's curious at best, highly suspicious at worst.

27 Matrinalis, 9:31, evening

When confronted about her lack of ease around her fellow Wardens, Elissa brushes off my concerns. She states that she simply gets nervous around her brothers and sisters at arms if they have not yet met one another. She blames it on "that whole Hero of Ferelden thing", claiming that she never knows how people are going to react to her.

I don't like to remember it, but the more I think about it the more I realize that something happened there, on the top of Fort Draken when the Archdemon exploded in a blast of magical light. I could feel it in these old bones, even if it was unexplainable at the time. The evil, twisted magic emanating off of the corrupted dragon ceased when the final blow was laid down, but… something that I can only describe as a shifting occurred. Perhaps it was more like a torrent; a escaping flood of magic and power that surged from the Archdemon's dying body. It was magical in nature, but at the same time much more than magic. A raw, unimaginable force, unstoppable and wild, and yet…it had direction. It went somewhere, or was perhaps drawn to something. But to ask either of the Wardens about this would probably be a futile gesture. They know little of magic beyond the effects of the taint and what they witnessed in the Tower during Uldred's coup. They would have felt none of what I did, and could know nothing of this.

Or did they? Did something go awry during that fateful battle, something that the other Grey Wardens find suspicious? There is much more to their lore and history than Elissa and Alistair know. Perhaps it is just their questioning that they find unsettling, remembering that day and all that lead up to it. Or perhaps… no. It is not my place to question why they allowed that vile apostate to accompany us to the final battle. She simply stepped up next alongside Elissa, there before the gates of Denerim, and that was that. She always valued Morrigan's abilities, ancient, dangerous, and unfettered as they were. Those outside the Circle often have a difficult time seeing the difference between sanctioned magic and that which dwells only in the realms of apostates. Magic is but a powerful force to them, a means to an end. Most know enough to despise blood magic, as does she thank the Maker, but when the lines get blurry like that… you would think Alistair would have talked some sense into her and succeeded where I clearly failed.

But perhaps I am being a paranoid old woman jumping at my shadow. If the apostate did manipulate some alternate ending to that battle, it was her doing alone and there is little we can do about it. Something did not occur as expected, I'm almost sure of that now. Perhaps Elissa has had similar thoughts but cannot investigate anything more now that the witch has vanished like a puff of smoke. I should just let it go at that and be thankful we all survived to see another day.


	6. Part 6

**The Last Beginning - Part 6**

2 Parvulis, 9:31

Per the Queen's instance, we are traveling to Highever along a less-traveled road which hugs the coastline of the Waking Sea. I certainly hope that there are plenty of winter clothes packed in one of our many wagons. We really don't have time for these side trips if we do not want to spend the entire winter traversing the countryside. I know that Elissa was an emotional woman before she found herself in her current condition… lets just say that few are willing or even able to cross the brunt of her fury now. Never mind that if you do manage to extinguish her blazing outrage, the darkness that takes its place is nothing to be trifled with either. The very instant I thought I had talked some sense into her, she turned tail and ran to Alistair, who was clearly more moved by her tears than I was. I suppose I should not be surprised, and it would behoove me to be more forgiving. I sent my apprentices at the Circle running from me in fear more times than I care to think about during that brief window of my past. Not all of them were as forgiving as Anerien. Still, Maker help them both if I have to deal with a single frostbitten finger and toe before we return to Denerim. Alistair once jested that I had a standing "Get Out of Treason Free" writ with him, and I would hate to have to test his resolve on that count.

8 Parvulis, 9:31

For all my objections, I must admit that the Waking Sea coastland is a beautiful sight to behold. The rocky coastline lined with evergreens makes for very picturesque views, and when overlaid with spotty layers of mist the effect can be breathtaking. On an emotional level, I can understand why Elissa insisted on traveling this way. This coastline was her home, and she may not have many opportunities to visit here in the coming years.

I'm told we are two days away from Highever, thankfully. Elissa's tender stomach still plagues her, and her endurance is very low. The latter is particularly obvious to me, for while traveling with her during the Blight she seemed to have tireless reserves of energy. Alistair has voiced his concerns to me about this change in his stalwart companion as well. I hope some time spent not traveling will do her some good. I will be keeping a watchful eye on her condition. If things do not improve, it may be prudent to head back to Denerim as soon as possible. We shall see how the next week plays out. I know it will be a hard sell to both of them, but it may be necessary. Another thing that concerns me is that Elissa mentioned to me today that her clothing is slowly getting tighter around the middle. It seems far too early for that in my experience, but while some of what I know about her condition may have come to me first hand I am certainly not an authority on the matter. I will have to see if there are any reference books in Highever's library about the matter, or perhaps even seek out a local midwife. Discretely, of course. I'm probably jumping at shadows again, but arming oneself with knowledge rarely brings one to a bad end.

11 Parvulis, 9:31

So much for a week of rest and recovery. Since we arrived yesterday, there has been talk of feasts, commissioning memorials, searching for widowed mothers, hunting down cheese mongers, and meeting with Highever's Revered Mother. Teryn Fergus is throwing a feast tonight in honor of our visit. Elissa asked me in a roundabout way as to how much longer I felt we should keep her condition a secret. It has only been about two months that we have been certain of a conception, so I am leery to give my blessing as of yet. I have a feeling that the combination of her volatile emotions coupled with the fact that she is home in Highever means that she may ignore my advice.

Earlier today I accompanied Elissa and Alistair to a local stone carver, to discuss plans to replace the fountain in the main market square in Highever. With Teryn Fergus's permission, they intend to create a memorial to Duncan and the other Grey Wardens lost at Ostigar. The original fountain had been destroyed in Arl Howe's conquest, and its replacement had not been given a very high priority. The extent of the destruction that the queen's brother has been working to reverse has been rather overwhelming. Alistair believes that Duncan came from Highever, and has asked Fergus to see if he can find any family ties he may have had here, no matter how distant. They also mentioned wanting to find the widow of one of the Grey Warden recruits who also died at Ostigar. Alistair wants to make sure she and the child that this Ser Jory spoke of are safe and taken care of. Fergus offered to give her and the child a place in the kitchens should she desire it, but they will need to find the woman first and get her input on the matter. Elissa does not speak highly of this man, calling him a spineless coward, but she does not protest against Alistair's wishes very loudly. I think she may fear what could have happened to her were she in a similar position. Bringing a new life into the world does tend to change one's perspectives, but those changes are sometimes not easy to accept.

11 Parvulis, 9:31, evening

Oh, Maker. For once, I wish these old bones would have been wrong in their predictions.

Though I must say, I hadn't anticipated Alistair's heartfelt thanks in front of the entire gathering. While touching, I wish he hadn't mentioned my involvement in the process to the entire world. Maker's Breath, I don't even know if I will be blessed with enough time to see this through to the end. I do not want all of Ferelden worrying that the future of their country's stability hangs on the shoulders of an old, tired mage. He did keep things rather vague however, so they may just believe I helped with the conception. Little is known about the taint outside of the Grey Wardens and those who have spent time with them, so they may not understand what a constant battle this process is.

Many of those traveling with us already suspected, but this did not seem to stifle their joy any. Leliana is ecstatic, and is already adding a new verse to the ballad she's been composing about Elissa and Alistair's wedding. My heart did bleed a little for Teryn Fergus, however. While he is clearly happy for his sister, all here know what happened to their parents and his wife and child. It must have been a bittersweet thing for him to come to terms with.

I must return my focus to the taint shield now… those two do tend to push the limits of my focus and endurance on these evening watches. But perhaps that is improper for me to mention.

13 Parvulis, 9:31

A most unpleasant day. Before arriving at Highever, I had completely forgotten that the Chantry's monastery here is now the new home of Anora Mac Tir, Cailan's widow and daughter of a traitor. After the end of the Blight, Alistair had her sent here to be kept under guard by the Templars and her activities monitored by his wife's brother. In our meeting with the Highever Chantry's Revered Mother, she spoke in glowing terms about Anora's behavior. She was quiet, polite, and had even been helpful with the limited tasks she had been given to help keep the monastery running. It was the conversation after the official meeting that concerned me. She requested a private audience with the King and Queen, conspicuously made after Fergus had left Highever's great hall. I was not privy to their conversation, naturally, but when it was over Elissa was clearly upset. She disappeared not long after, and when I asked Petra about it later she would not tell me specifics of where she had gone. About all I got out of her was that Elissa had not wanted to bring her along, and only did so because of the necessity of the taint shield. I may have to confront the queen on this later. She and the child cannot afford this type of stress right now.

14 Parvulis, 9:31

It took some doing, but I did get Elissa to tell me that which the Revered Mother had revealed to them. I have a hard time putting such unpleasant news to parchment, and it may be safest that I don't. I had very little useful advice for her. Confronting the offending party may only make things worse, and it may be best just to turn a blind eye. If the situation progresses to include further wrinkles in events, then that bridge can be crossed when we arrive at it.

Being betrayed by those dear to us always hurts. I can only imagine how that pain is amplified when the betrayal comes from a family member. A brother who you trusted with the oversight of a potential threat to your and your husband's rule. The poor girl.

16 Parvulis, 9:31

We are leaving Highever for West Hill upon the morrow. Fergus is hosting another feast, but given that which has come to light, it promises to be an uncomfortable affair. We cannot be gone from here too soon. I feel for Elissa, for she will not wish to return here for a good long time. She does appear to have a brighter demeanor than earlier in the week however. Her ever-present nausea seems to have subsided some, even if it has not completely alleviated. I must remember to keep ensuring that she eats consistently, especially if she is going to be keeping more food down. Keeping her properly feed, especially given that the taint takes so much out of her, is vital both to her health and the health of her child.

22 Parvulis, 9:31

Arl Wolfe has very little to say to us beyond pleasantries and stilted congratulations. It never ceases to amaze me how fast news travels; another reason I wish Alistair had kept his tidings to himself back in Highever. While I don't get the impression that the arl blames the Grey Wardens for not stopping the Blight in time to save his two sons, he certainly feels no love for them either. We shall not linger here long.

I have a curiosity that must be noted, however. I try not to pay attention to a certain Antivan, but I could not help but notice that Zevran was no longer in our traveling party two nights back when we set up camp for the night. Elissa states that he was sent back to Denerim to deliver a message, and he will meet us there upon our return. Her excuse seems as transparent as glass to me. Pressed harder, she fell back on the excuse of "The King's Business" putting on over-acted airs of pompousness. Anyone could have been given the task… it makes one wonder what kind of "message" is being delivered. I hope that he is indeed heading to Denerim, and not back to Highever. No. I would hope that at least Alistair would deter her from making a regrettable mistake with regard to that situation.

Perhaps is it not my place to meddle in these affairs. It's not like I don't appreciate the smarmy tongued elf being gone from our presence.

27 Parvulis, 9:31

It is good to be back at the Tower, shadow of itself that it may be. Though I must say things have improved since I was last here. My word, was that over a year ago now? Three Senior Enchanters have been sent to our aid our rebuilding efforts from the Circle in Orlais. Regardless of the state of the Circle, there is always a steady tide of young apprentices being lead to our doors.

Most of our group is camped in the tower's shadow, but as many as are able are staying at the inn near the dock. As it turns out, the inn has a new proprietor, none other than our old traveling companion Oghren. This certainly explains why the name above the door has been changed from The Spoiled Princess to The Velvet Hat. Not a very dwarfish name, I must say… No. Better that I not think about inn's new moniker for too long. Knowing that foul minded drunkard as I do I'm certain I wouldn't like the answer. Nor do I like the fact that he keeps plying Alistair with "congratulatory drinks". However, from what I can tell Oghren seems happy in his newfound vocation. He found the barmaid he'd been searching for, and she actually seems to be a grounding influence on him. I suppose another reason for this fact could be from having taken on the running of the inn. He even has a brewery set up in one of the back rooms, and claims to be having success with his operation. From supplying his own bar as well as selling kegs to a couple other innkeeps in the general area, he claims to have already made back a good portion of his investment. For all his faults, the dwarf does brew fine ale. I certainly wish him well in his new found endeavor.

Sadly, I also wish Oghren would remember that our sovereign lord does not have the best head for alcohol. By the Maker, I can hear the singing here in my room through the floorboards… which is why I'm awake in the dark of night, writing my memoirs rather than taking my nightly stroll in the Fade. On the bright side, this means we most likely will not be traveling tomorrow.

29 Parvulis, 9:31

Irving is holding true to his word, for he is accompanying us back to Denerim. He has chosen Senior Enchanter Torrin as his successor. I could write an entire diatribe about that, but such a thing would serve no purpose. There are few enough of us left after Uldred's revolt, and still fewer of them Senior Enchanters. Never mind that by turning down the position I realistically have no right to judge Irving's choice in the matter.

I shall have to see if there is a tailor in Redcliffe who can let out some of Elissa's dresses. She has taken to wearing Alistair's spare tunics and a pair of loose breeches that I swear I had appropriated from her pack before her traveling items were turned over to the palace staff to go into storage. While I can't say much while we're on the road, and I do wish to allow the poor girl some semblance of comfort, such a thing will simply not do once we arrive in Redcliffe. If you did not know her, you certainly would not suspect anything just by looking at her, not yet. Form-fitting noble wear is not very forgiving to our body's natural changes, I suppose.

Traveling at the pace we do, it will take us at least three or four more days to arrive at Redcliffe. Which for now is not a bad thing, if you can ignore the foreboding chill in the evening air. When you look hard enough, you can see places where the leaves on the trees are starting to turn their color. It is a plentiful time to be traveling as well, for the bounty of the season's harvests are coming to fruition. Best of all, Elissa's symptoms seem to have genuinely alleviated. They are not gone, but the improvement in her disposition is a vast relief for us all. She's even regained some of her energy, and she spends more time each day walking with Alistair and the rest of our party.

She never did thank me for insisting that she have the option to travel in our carriage, however. Stubborn, stubborn girl.


	7. Part 7

**The Last Beginning - Part 7**

2 Frumentum, 9:31

I had expected a warm reception from Arl Teagan here in Redcliffe, but Maker's Breath, this has been a bit excessive. The people here have welcomed our party with open arms, not simply because we travel with their sovereign rulers, but because they are seen as local heros for their efforts here during the Blight. Who they are now doesn't really seem to matter much when compared to the fact that they were the Grey Wardens who helped Redcliffe save itself in its time of need.

Depending on how you choose to look at it, our timing is either highly fortuitous or a great imposition the Guerrin family. Several months ago, Arl Teagan had sent word to Denerim which confirmed that my unspoken suspicions about the circumstances of Arl Teagan's wedding were true. Lady Kaitlyn was with child. In the here and now of our arrival, it turns out that she is _very_ with child. During my conversations with her midwife I've gathered that she could easily deliver her child anytime in the coming fortnight. Elissa and she have been thick as thieves ever since we've arrived. By extension, Teagan and Alistair have been spending a lot of time catching up and sharing stories of impending fatherhood. Well, in all honesty, it seems to be more Teagan scaring Alistair with what he has to look forward to over the next several months. The arl firmly believes that Alistair made a huge mistake when he took Elissa to visit a cheese monger on the outskirts of Redcliffe earlier this morning. He claims he simply wanted to share with her one of the few pleasures of his youth; freshly produced curds of cheese, cooked up and eaten without bothering to mold and age them. Teagan hopes there is a cheese monger who makes a similar type cheese near Denerim that can provide such a treat if Elissa starts craving them at some point in the next half-year. From what I gather, if these curds are not eaten within hours of production, preferably while still warm in fact, they are no longer worth eating fresh and are only good for long-term aging. I tried some myself and found them to be not unpleasant, but they made the oddest squeaking noise in my mouth as I chewed them. I truly do not understand the fever, but then again I've also never understood the king's cheese obsession, so perhaps this does not come as a surprise.

4 Frumentum, 9:31

Sabina, the midwife here in Redcliffe, approached me today inquiring about my abilities. I explained the basics of spirit healing and my healer's sight, and she asked if it would be possible to me to examine the arlessa's baby to check for any abnormalities and verify that it had turned properly. From what I can tell, everything about the child seems fine. Head down, the right number of limbs and fingers, and seemingly ready to make her into the outside world. I didn't mention the "her" part to the arlessa, figuring that this close to the end it would not hurt for that secret to remain intact for a few more days. She also did not ask, for if she had I would have told her. Perhaps it did not occur to her that I could detect such things.

Presuming that the arlessa's time does not come in the very near future, I requested that Sabina come and examine Elissa as well. Naturally I intend to hire a midwife when we return to Denerim, but while we have one here in our midst I would be remiss not to have her check on Elissa's progress.

5 Frumentum, 9:31

To think when Elissa first came to me, asking for my help in conceiving a child, I never dreamed that we would be so fortune as this. An heir and a spare, as they say. How fitting, if a bit uncouth.

Let me start at the beginning. Sabina's examination of Elissa went well, and she proclaimed Elissa to be in perfect health, all things considered. The only question she had was concerning how long it had been since Elissa's last moon blood. Based solely on the size of her expanding stomach, she found it hard to believe that my records state it had last occurred three months ago. She did not suspect this an indication of anything being wrong, but proceeded to ask if I could probe Elissa's womb with my healer's sight as I'd done earlier with the arlessa. I was reluctant to do so, still wishing to be cautious when applying additional magical interventions. But Sabina convinced me that it would be a good idea, if only to eliminate the possibility of something truly being wrong. I think she had her suspicions at that point as to what I would find, but she sure feigned her concern well at the time. Perhaps it was professional curiosity that pushed her to coerce me into performing the task. Either way, I relented and used my healer's sight on Elissa while Petra held the taint shield in place.

I will never be certain if what I discovered was a gift from the Maker or a consequence of my fertility interventions. It may very well be a combination of both factors. But the fact remains. Elissa is in fact carrying two babies within her womb, not just one.

The look of shock on Elissa's face when I told her was enough to almost make me snap my head around and ensure that the Darkspawn horde hadn't suddenly returned to descended on us then and there. Ever since the beginning, I've gotten the impression that it was her sense of duty that compelled her to push to conceive an heir so quickly. Given the complication of the taint, it could have been a very long time before a conception could possibly occur. Her motivations were clearly internal as well, for I know her love for Alistair is strong, but her feelings were secondary in my opinion. I do believe that at the moment she very much feels like she has bitten off a bit more than she can chew. Which says a lot, I think, when you remember that this is the same woman who once slew an archdemon and lives to tell the tale.

To add to the omnipresent layer of drama surrounding us, it seems that Arlessa Kaitlyn's time has drawn near. She retired to her room early this evening after dinner, and a short time later one of Sabina's apprentices came to Arl Teagan with the news. The arlessa's birth waters had broken, and it was only a matter of time before the child would be born. Needless to say, the king and the arl have drunk themselves into an impressive stupor. Sabina has requested my presence at the lying-in, and naturally I am happy to oblige. Aside from possibly being able to assist with the proceedings, it seems prudent for me to be present. I can learn much that could help Elissa when her time comes, for there is knowledge to be gained in observation and experience that cannot be attained through books. What experience I do have in these matters however has taught me that these things take time, and it has been a very long day. Now that my thoughts are collected, I shall rest for a few hours and then join them.

8 Frumentum, 9:31

It is difficult to put ink to parchment right now. When we arrived here all was festival and jubilation, the halls of the castle ringing with the sounds of revelry. Now, all is somber and grievous, and few are brave enough to disturb the peace.

Arlessa Kaitlyn is dead. Two days past she left this world, not long after the birth of her daughter. The infant lives; her father has named her Evelyn.

I was there when it happened. Everything happened so rapidly, and during the ensuing chaos I simply did not act quickly enough, nor did I have the knowledge to recognize what was happening and how best to assist. From what the midwife told me afterwards, the arlessa's womb did not behave as it should have after the child was born, and its failure to constrict down to a smaller size caused her to lose a vast amount of blood rapidly. Maker, there was so much blood, so much confusion… I still should have been able to do more to help the poor girl. I have failed her, and I thus I have failed her child and the arl as well. By the time I was able to stop the bleeding it was too late. She had already lost so much blood that she fell into an unconscious state from which she never woke.

One of the hardest lessons to learn as a healer is that you cannot cure every illness or save every person who comes to you for aid. In those with the aptitude for spirit healing this fact can be even harder to accept, for you often feel that there is so much more you can do to help a person. But even then, sometimes it is not enough. Death is a part of every life, and in the end the Maker wills when we shall meet it.

Elissa is distraught over what happened, and her husband isn't doing much better. The poor brave lad is trying to be strong both for his lady wife and his friend the arl, but it is a heavy strain on his compassionate nature. The Wardens have both come to me, each on their own but both offering support while in truth seeking it for themselves. Elissa is scared that the same fate could await her come late winter. My assurances to her that these things do not happen as often as one would think, and the fact that she is a physically stronger woman than the arlessa ever was… they fall on deaf ears. But perhaps, given time, some of these seeds of thought will take root once we're further removed from the tragedy witnessed here.

The child seems strong and healthy, thank the Maker. Her care has been turned over to several servants and a wet nurse, while in his grief Arl Teagan visits his daughter as often as her nursemaids will allow. We have remained here in Redcliffe longer than I would have chosen, but circumstances being what they are it is understandable. Arlessa Kaitlyn's funeral is tomorrow, and it would be inconsiderate for us to leave before then.

9 Frumentum, 9:31

From what Alistair tells me, the Arlessa's funeral was a very traditional one for those of importance in this area of Ferelden. Her body was placed onto a small boat, shrouded in cloth and surrounded by tinder. The funeral barge was then pulled out onto Lake Calenhad as far as one could walk along the bottom. From there, after the boat had floated far enough away from the shore, an archer shoots a flaming arrow at it. With luck, the barge turns into a funeral pyre. Eventually the charred remains of body and boat sink to the bottom of the lake.

Four soldiers from Redcliffe's garrison ushered the boat out into the water, while four stood on shore with bows in hand: Arl Teagan, Alistair, Ser Perth, and carrying a bow sized for his smaller frame, Lady Kaitlyn's younger brother Bevin. He was insistent that he wanted to take part in the ritual, and though there was debate as to whether or not it was safe to trust him with a burning arrow, the arl spoke for him and defended his right to grieve the loss of his sister as he saw fit. After the pyre was ablaze, Alistair presented the boy with a sword. Elissa had mentioned this in passing before we left Denerim, how they had in their possession a sword which belonged to the arlessa's family. Originally they had thought the blade lost, or perhaps sold for coin, but while preparing for the Royal Circuit it was found stored with the traveling supplies saved from fighting the Blight. The intent had been to return it to Lady Kaitlyn even though it had been purchased from her for a more than fair sum of money. Now, it seemed to make sense to return it to the boy. He could use it or keep it in trust for his newborn niece, whatever he deemed appropriate. All things considered, it seemed an uplifting gesture and an appropriate way to end a heartbreaking course of events, even if we would have never dreamed to witness such events upon our arrival here.

13 Frumentum, 9:31

We left Redcliffe four days ago and are now approaching Lothering. Elissa has spent most of her time riding in the carriage with me, even though she swears that she's feeling fine. Even her mabari rides in the carriage with us under his own volition. Before Redcliffe, he ran alongside us or with the others of his kind who travel with us, but his mistress's distress seems to have consumed him. I have tried to speak to her, to reassure her that it is unlikely that she will share Kaitlyn's fate, but she says little in response. I'm rather at a loss as to how to help her get through this. Maybe there isn't any way except time. I will need to watch her closely, and make sure her grief starts turning around and does not decent into melancholy.

It certainly doesn't help anyone's state of mind that we are now traveling into the areas of Ferelden that were worst hit by the Blight. Everywhere we look there are signs of it: blackened fields, trees in various states of decay with graying, creaking deadwood for branches, dried brambles and long-dead undergrowth. Some of the farm fields have been reclaimed, but the arable land is spotty at best. And the corpses… truly they are more bones and skeletons at this point. There were far too many slaughtered, people and Darkspawn alike, for all of their corpses to have been properly burned. I suppose we should be thankful that the Blight was stopped as quickly as it was, sparing a good deal of the Fereldan countryside from such a gruesome fate as this.

15 Frumentum, 9:31

Lothering in its current state can barely be called a village. The tavern and the Chantry are the only buildings that are in any state of repair. Wagons congregate in front of the Chantry, where merchants ply their wares. There are places where it appears that buildings have been demolished and removed, but nothing has been built in their place. Elissa tells me that the rough split wooden log bridge in the center of town used to be made of stone, flanked by small statues of mabari.

The estate of Ceorlic, Bann of Lothering, is in notably pristine repair.

Alistair is furious. One of the first noteworthy moments of his reign was a showdown between himself and Bann Ceorlic. His lordship had been living in Denerim since his departure from Lothering on Loghain's heals after Ostagar. After the end of the Blight, he confronted the bann with regard to his abandoning of Lothering on the eve of the Darkspawn attack. While clinging to the questionable pretence of his wife's ailing health, Alistair gave the man an ultimatum: Either he, or his heir if he had one, were to return to Lothering and rebuild, or see his lands forfeit and given to another.

Bann Ceorlic has returned to Lothering as ordered, but thanks to his creative interpretation Alistair's command to rebuild, he has been stripped of his title and lands. Currently he is being confined in Lothering's Chantry, and some of the guards who accompany us are being left behind to garrison what was Ceorlic's estate. Reinforcements will be sent from Denerim once a new bann is selected.

May the Maker help anyone who offends Alistair's inexorable sense of right and wrong.


	8. Part 8

**The Last Beginning - Part 8**

18 Frumentum, 9:31

We awoke this morning to a fine layer of snow coating our campsite. While beautiful to look upon, I do wish that I had been wrong in my prediction about the end of our journey. We have been warm enough I suppose, but I think Elissa is the only one who does not mind the cold. Alistair in fact says she radiates heat like a brazier. Irving and I are too old to be so fortunate, but for now we seem to have adequate supplies to keep us warm at night.

20 Frumentum, 9:31

Our stay here at South Reach will be thankfully short, given the turn in the weather. Not that anyone is in a hurry to return to traveling of course, but the common thought is that we should be returning to Denerim sooner than later.

South Reach's lands were decimated by the Darkspawn, but when compared to Lothering it is clear that Arl Bryland has done much more to help his land and his people recover from the Blight. There is plenty of evidence of new construction in South Reach's village, and the people we see seem to have regained a bit of hope for the future. The arl states that while they will still need to purchase some supplies and foodstuffs to get them through the winter, their harvests had been much more fruitful than they had anticipated.

Elissa seems pleased to be here, to the point where her mood seems to have brightened now and again. She tells me that Arl Bryland and her father fought in the rebellion together, and while never close they had kept up ties. Unfortunately, the arl's daughter tries her patience greatly. She is sixteen, and very interested in anything she deems opulent and extravagant. Our unpretentious warrior queen baffles her more than a little. Leliana and the girl have gotten along like two peas in a pod however, which has helped keep tensions at ease. However even the bard's influence can do little to account for when the more abrasive part of Elissa's nature asserts itself. A biting comment about sending Habren to Lothering, to give her a "harsh life lesson" overseeing the rebuilding efforts there did not sit well with anyone, let alone the arl's daughter herself.

Friends or no, the Queen's prevailing dark mood makes a brief stay here quite prudent. I must remember to have a hot bath drawn for her before we leave. I'm certain the aches and pains she complains of are not helping matters either.

24 Frumentum, 9:31

We have received word that Anora Mac Tir, former Queen of Ferelden and daughter of Teryn Loghain Mac Tir, has been found dead in her chambers at the monastery in Highever. The details that have arrived here at Dragon's Peak are sketchy at best, but all the rumors agree that she has died. We shall learn more once we arrive back in Denerim, of that I am certain.

Before this journey I was never given the pleasure of visiting Dragon's Peak. The views are quite stunning, and it's quite heartening to be able to catch a glimpse of Denerim off in the distance. Our ascent of the mountain, however, took the better part of the day. I fear that the decent will not be any faster or easier, especially if we see more snow between then and now. The winds howl up here like you would not believe had you not experienced them for yourself.

From what Elissa tells me, Bann Sighard was once a staunch ally of Teryn Loghain and Bann Ceorlic. The teryn and he had in fact fought together during the Orlesian rebellion. But once it was revealed that the bann's son Oswyn had been captured, tortured and maimed by Arl Howe, he quickly came to support the Wardens wholeheartedly. I only wish I had been there when they found the boy. Oswyn seems to be doing well, or at least as well as can be expected. Until now I had only heard about the injuries he sustained in Arl Howe's dungeon, and while it seems whatever healing he received has been helpful, it was not a true cure. The poor boy will most likely not walk properly ever again for the scar tissue is far too developed now for me to be able to help the poor lad.

While the flatter lands and valleys surrounding the Peak still show signs of the Blight, most of the castle and surrounding village have been spared. In all honesty, I'm rather surprised that there is any kind of settlement here at all. The slopes of Dragon's Peak are fearsome, and yet there are still shops, homes, taverns; all of the amenities one would expect from a town of notable size. I do believe that these natural defenses are what spared the town itself from the Darkspawn incursion.

5 Umbralis, 9:31

We have returned to Denerim. I have not had the luxury of time to write since Dragon's Peak, for the last leg of our journey was quite hurried. Between the cold setting in earnest and several of us falling and injuring ourselves during our decent from Dragon's Peak, all were in a hurry to make an end to our travels. The king himself fell from his horse when the poor creature lost its balance on a patch of ice. It apparently became quite the joke in our traveling party, after I set his broken leg, that is. The additional company riding in our carriage for the last days of our journey was welcome, even if said company was more than a bit grumpy about his predicament.

Things have been quite hectic with our return to Denerim, as is to be expected. News of Elissa being doubly blessed had arrived long before we did, and the entire city appears elated. Gifts have apparently been arriving non-stop at the palace in our absence. Merchants looking to catch the queen's eye, gifts from the lords of the Bannorn, and even a few from foreign dignitaries. Most of the items will be donated to the Chantry, since even with two babies expected there is still only so much that is needed. Do they expect us to put a cradle in every room of the palace, I wonder? I'm told that the ornamental dagger sent by the King of Antiva caused a particularly large stir… but that vile assassin assures us that it is a traditional gift among the highest levels of Antivian nobility. This does not mean that I trust his word of course, but the blade does not seem to be laced with anything nor could anyone find any spring-loaded surprises lurking anywhere on it.

Speaking of the assassin, he has clearly kept to his word and met us back in Denerim. He is neglectful in sharing the details of his time apart from us, or perhaps he simply does not speak of such things within my hearing. Given that he has been wearing fine new clothes and treating himself to expensive liquors, I get the distinct impression that his financial situation has improved greatly since our return. I suppose it's not my place to judge why heads of state would keep a pet assassin on staff. Still, I wish the elf would just return to Antiva and darken our doorstep no longer.

I think every midwife in the city has sent word of their credentials to the palace, offering their services "for the good of the realm" or some variation therein. It will be difficult to select one that is skilled but yet motivated by her desire to help, not her desire to add the Queen of Ferelden to her list of past patrons. Perhaps I shall speak to the palace castellan, to see if he would know someone on the palace's staff who can help me sift the stalwart from the flatterers.

Elissa has been most stubborn about attending court functions, even though she has been complaining of not sleeping well. Other than that, she seems to be doing fine for the moment. Dealing with Ferelden's never-ending squabbles and petitions seems to have helped her out of her melancholy some. I do worry that she's just shunting her fears aside, filling her head with politics to shut them out. But, so long as her health remains well and she does not appear to be in danger of delivering early, I do not feel the need to attempt to reign in her activities as of yet. The time may come sooner than I would like, however… I should speak to Alistair about my concerns. She will listen to the both of us if we insist on something, but let us hope that we need not to play that game yet again.

10 Umbralis, 9:31

The head cook, whom I was assured was the right person to ask about these things, has informed me that the only midwife in Denerim "worthy of delivering royals into this world" is a woman named Loretta. The parchments and letters I brought with me never even got looked at, beyond a quick glance as she tossed them onto the blazing kitchen hearth. I will need to send a summons to this Loretta, to make sure she stands up to this reputation before hiring her services.

14 Umbralis, 9:31

The midwife Loretta is brusque and to the point, but very knowledgeable. My personal impression is that she's not wholly comfortable with that which I and my fellow mages are doing to protect Elissa's unborn children. She almost seems threatened by my healing capabilities, though it may just be that she is one who does not trust mages on principle. I would consider exploring other options, save for the fact that the cook set all of our other leads on fire. Perhaps another option will present itself.

15 Umbralis, 9:31

We are sending to Redcliffe, requesting that Sabina, the midwife who attended the birth of Arl Teagan's daughter, join us here in Denerim. It is a thoughtless thing to ask of the poor woman, for if we had known we wanted her presence here she could have traveled with us on our return trip. But when Elissa mentioned her as a possible solution, it just felt like the right answer. Clearly, she is comfortable around magic and mages, to the point of encouraging my talents.

In all honesty, I was surprised Elissa suggested her after what happened to Arlessa Kaitlyn. But I certainly can't argue with her bedside manner and her willingness to accept the out of the ordinary. I will need to speak to the royal chamberlain and ensure that she is offered a very generous compensation for her inconvenience.

23 Umbralis, 9:31

We received word today that Sabina has agreed to join us here in Denerim, despite having to travel during a particularly awful Fereldan winter. The messenger states that he left Redcliffe the same day she had agreed to our offer, so she is most likely several days behind him. Maker watch over her and ensure her safe passage.

27 Umbralis, 9:31

Sabina has arrived here in Denerim safe and sound, if a bit pink about the nose and cheeks. She claims their travels were not a hardship, but from what I was able to glean from Arl Teagan's escort of soldiers, that may be a case of downplaying ones difficulties in front of royal eyes. She did confide in me that she is indeed truly grateful that Elissa sent for her. After the arlessa's death her name and reputation have become tarnished in Redcliffe. A summons from the queen herself requesting her services was the very last thing she expected to happen to her. She hopes that if things go well, she will be able to re-establish her good name. Brushes with nobility can be a blessing or a curse, oftentimes within the same fell swoop.

She reports that the queen and her children are healthy and are doing well, all things considered. A scan with my healer's sight agrees with her assessment. After reading my notes on the issue, she believes that Elissa is at or past halfway point of her pregnancy. She states that twins are much more likely than single babies to come into the world early, and we will need to keep a close watch on Elissa when her time draws nearer. An early lying-in is fine within reason, but too early could be disastrous. We will both monitor her, each in our own way, and take what interventions we can if things start down that path.

Sabina has also improved on the tea concoction that I had been administering to Elissa. She uses similar ingredients, but in different proportions. In particular, to help with aches and pains she includes a much larger proportion of elfroot, and for that fact alone Elissa is singing her praises. This scorn of my tea making skills is simply tweak this old woman's nose, I know this, but the fact that Elissa and Sabina can joke about such things means that they are establishing a good rapport. Such a thing would be important in any situation, but especially under these circumstances where there is such a disparity in rank between parties. There may very well come a time where Sabina needs to give Elissa orders, without her kingly husband there to stand up to Elissa's will. Respect and trust will help bridge those gaps. Elissa should know that she is extremely fortunate to have the amount of support she does. Though I of course would never wish the opposite circumstances on her, not in a thousand ages. It is a daunting thing to go through such a time in a woman's life with little to no support.

20 Cassus, 9:31

All has been well these past few weeks, so there has been little to document in this journal. Court life is what it is after all, so things are rarely dull, but Elissa has been handling things with an easy grace. I am constantly reminding myself that she was indeed born to this life, no matter how much she may have fought embracing it in her youth or how it often clashes with my own mental image of Elissa the Grey Warden.

There is a feast tomorrow evening to mark the Winter Solstice, which traditionally involves a gathering of Denerim's important personages. Invitations are given to the various merchant and trade guilds, to distribute as they see fit to their members. Such invitations are highly coveted, for they are often taken as an opportunity to present their wares to the royal court and its members. I foresee several more wagon loads of child-related Chantry donations in our near future.

The guilds are more than happy to attend such a feast, but for others the whole affair has turned into a bit of a scandal. The Arl of Denerim has refused to attend, protesting against the fact that Alistair and Elissa have invited several prominent local elves to the feast. While I believe the affair will be improved by his absence, I worry that he will become even more surly and difficult to deal with as time passes. He has vocally opposed any and all motions that Elissa and Alistair have put in place to improve the plight of the elves. While I applaud the changes being pushed through, such as the lifting of restrictions on elves being forced to live in the Alienage, very little has changed in reality thanks to Arl Vaughn's harshly outspoken words.

The taint shield grows in size as Elissa grows, and requires more and more effort to maintain. Having Irving here has been a blessing, and I am glad he has agreed to remain with me here at court after our task is finished. Petra is cheery and has never shown any wavering in her devotion, but she is young. I have tried to encourage her to continue her studies here in Denerim, as well as keeping her involved in that which I am learning myself. However I still believe she wishes to move on to something new. Leborah is as she always has been, patient and meticulous. Organizing the royal library has become her new hobby, and since I question how long it has been since the royal palace employed a true scholar, her efforts have not been wasted. We all grow weary of our joint task on some level, but we shall endure. While mages often see themselves as separate from the affairs of men outside of the Tower, the security of Ferelden's future should concern us all. Particularly in light of this unique situation we find ourselves in. History will most likely forget the role of mages in this endeavor, since efforts of war and strife are what the stories and songs gravitate to. If we are successful, hopefully such things can be avoided for another generation. Thankfully none of us are here for the glory or the recognition.


	9. Part 9

**The Last Beginning - Part ****9**

22 Cassus, 9:31

Yesterday's feast was naturally lovely, as most royal affairs tend to be. Elissa was radiant, and most amusingly Alistair spent the evening jumping between bursts of husbandly pride and icy protective glares. The scandal I mentioned in my last writings will continue to haunt us however, though I can't help but hope that for once some good will come out of this unrest. During the festivities, Alistair officially announced that he would be appointing the local elven elder, a man by the name of Valendrian, as the elven consul to the crown. The icy silence and suspicious glares that filled the room after the announcement were perfectly shameful, if sadly expected. All the outrage over this seems particularly ridiculous from the point of view of a mage, for we in the Tower have long since learned to overcome such short-sighted prejudices. Perhaps it is easier for us however, since overall mages see themselves as having very little to lose. Those in positions of power rarely take kindly to that power being taken away from them, especially in the name of justice and freedom. Even necessary change is still change, and thus is not absolved from the pains and torments it often brings.

25 Cassus, 9:31

Some of us are fortunate and live long enough to see the world grow and change around us. Some of us however are destined to pay a higher price for change than others.

Arl Vaughan Kendall has been taken into custody, charged with the murder of the elf Valendrian. Hard facts are few and far between at the moment, but word is that the arl has all but admitted to the crime. I do not think he truly believes that killing an elf constitutes murder. The reaction of the Antivan to Elissa's discussion of the matter with him solidified my thoughts on the matter. He is to stand trial as soon as more evidence can be produced and witnesses procured.

I have tried to convince Elissa to step back from this situation, but she will have none of it. She feels personally responsible for the elven elder's death. Since ascending to the throne, the truth about Arl Vaughan's character and past actions have come to light. Elissa tells me that it was by her hand that the man was released from imprisonment after Vaughan was found by the Wardens locked in a prison cell in his own estate. His connection to the riots in the Alienage as well as his distain for the elves themselves was unknown to her. What was clear was that he would have a say in the Landsmeet which was eminently looming, and that he appeared to be another victim of Arl Howe's treachery. Such a factor weighed heavily in her decision, given all that she herself had lost to the man. The facts which present themselves to us however are not always the ones that lead us down the right paths.

27 Cassus, 9:31

Elissa persists in refusing to listen to me when I ask that she limits her involvement Arl Vaughan's trial. She believes that bringing justice to Vaughan will be another step toward elven equality. A noble cause, certainly, but the timing of this fiasco is quite poor. I feel I must bring my concerns to the king. Even if she cannot be swayed a swift trial may be in everyone's best interest. It's becoming clearer that he and I will need to start protecting Elissa from her own self-righteousness, if only for the next few months.

30 Cassus, 9:31

Thankfully, it appears that we will not need to resort to keeping Elissa locked her chambers under guard. I'm not sure what Alistair said to her, but she has agreed to start stepping back from court life and relax more. Thank the Maker for small blessings.

Elissa does seem healthy overall, if more than a bit ill-humored. We learned some welcome news with regard to the next generation of Theirins, but I will refrain from mentioning it here out of respect to the royal couple's privacy. It seems the strangest thing to know about before a child is actually born, and almost sad in a way. One of the greatest mysteries of new life demystified by magic. There is some kind of strange justice there, but I am not wholly comfortable with it. Naturally, I had made a similar discovery all those years ago when I was in Elissa's shoes… and it felt the same then. As if by using magic to watch over an unborn child, some of the inherent magic of the whole experience evaporated. But there is truly no harm either way, so perhaps I am just being old fashioned. It is the fate of the venerable to be seen this way, so I suppose I should embrace it.

1 Verimensis, 9:32

A new year is upon us. I have often wondered if I would live to see another, and yet here it is. Surrounded by all these young people, it is sometimes hard to watch them squander their time away, secure in the fact that they believe they will live forever. Elissa and Alistair understand more than most of them, but even they are not so far gone to the taint of the Wardens to truly feel each day as being a gift from the Maker. Certainly, I have my duties, both to the official face of the crown and the unofficial faces behind it, but I try to take some time each day to relax, or read something that warms my tired heart, or just to spend time with Irving. As I have said before, the length of a moment in time does not diminish its worthiness.

Speaking of the young, one factor in all this that I have been neglectful of mentioning is Petra's role in our endeavor. I do not doubt that without her exuberance and dedication, we would not have seen things go as smoothly as they have. Never a complaint, always willing to do what is needed of her, even through all the long nights' vigils. She has been at my side whenever I have used my healer's gifts on Elissa, asking questions and offering her own insight, which is remarkably astute for one so young. She has also taken a keen interest in what knowledge Sabina has had to offer her as well. It was she who first realized that an unborn child's heart rate could be monitored in a similar way as we do for anyone else; by feeling the pulse rate of their blood coursing through their veins. Healer's Sight is a bit of a misnomer, as I have stated, for it's more of a sensation of touch than one of vision. The beating of a patient's heart is oftentimes one of the sensations that a healer needs to learn to tune out in order to focus on a deeper issue. One could describe it as being similar to ignoring the sound of a barking dog that is distracting from a person's conversation with another. Since we currently have no other notes or information to compare with, Petra has been keeping extensive records of the children's pulse rates as the days go by. We figure so long as there are no significant drops or spikes in the numbers we are observing, we can determine a normal range and be aware of any readings that fall too far out of line.

More that any other factor, it has been Petra's spirit that has kept us all going this past year. Aside from her own natural talents in the healing magics, she seems have an honest interest in the more mundane and medical side of childbearing. Were she not have been born a mage, I could envision her as one of Sabina's apprentices. Interest coupled with aptitude is a powerful force, and not all of us are fortunate enough to see these two things come together in our lives. She is a very fortunate girl, and I am fortunate for having gotten to know her.

5 Verimensis, 9:32

Arl Vaughan Kendell has been found guilty of the crime of killing the elven elder Valendrian. He has been sentenced to public execution five days hence. The intent is to make an example of his deeds, and to send a message that the mistreatment of elves will not be tolerated. While I understand this academically, I have a hard time condoning any kind of public slaughter. While I have the utmost respect for anyone willing to take up the roll of First Enchanter, one of the main reasons I never wished to take the position was because I honestly don't believe I could handle supervising the Harrowings. But I suppose the less said about that the better. Death may very well be a part of life, but taking away the life of another should never be done lightly.

A bright spot to come out of this whole ordeal is that we now have a new peer to welcome to the ranks of the Bannorn. The woman chosen to take Valendrian's place amongst the elves of Denerim has been granted the title of bann, and given the role of governing and representing the Alienage as well as all elves living in Denerim. She is a surprisingly young woman for one who bears the title of elder, but my understanding is that the term is more of an honorific than a reflection of age. Her name is Shianni, and I remember meeting her briefly during the siege of Denerim. She has a sharp tongue and often speaks before thinking, but I cannot help but believe that she will be a strong advocate for her people.

10 Verimensis, 9:32

The Arl of Denerim has been executed. May the Maker judge him fairly and see him to his atonement.

The whole affair reminded me far too strongly of the Landsmeet where Alistair was declared King of Ferelden. The king himself wielded the executioner's axe, a decision which Alistair defends with his typical righteous tenacity. I do find it hard to fault a man for being strong in his convictions, especially when as in this case they are not wholly unfounded in reason and honor. The king feels that if a person possesses the ability to call for the death of another person, there is honor is seeing the deed done personally by ones own hand. While his reasoning may be strong, I do still worry that his actions will give the wrong impression to the common folk. Tales of such events do tend to grow and change with the telling, and the last thing that a good man such as Alistair needs is the reputation for being a tyrant.

24 Verimensis, 9:32

Even we old folks can sometimes be stunned by the blessings we receive in this life. Elissa has agreed to only attend court functions in an early afternoon window, and by the Maker's blessing it didn't take an entire contingent of guardsmen to "convince" her to this arrangement. For her to give in so willingly means to me that she tires much more easily than she lets on. Either that or her expanding midsection finally reached the point where she could no longer ignore it out of shear force of will. I shudder to think how long this realization would have taken were she only blessed with one child, given that she is now probably close to as large as she would probably have gotten if not for her unique circumstance. I will note of course that this is a clinical observation, for I would never commit to writing any derogatory statements about the size of our queen's midsection.

I have taken to attending to the taint shield while she attends court, so that I am free in the mornings to attend to my own duties in that arena. Alistair and I have had many promising discussions with regard to the future of Ferelden's Circle and its mages, but we both agree that too much change too quickly will only turn the Bannorn against us all the more rapidly. For all of the harsh realities a mage of the Circle has to live with, our plight pales in comparison to that of the elves. In the Tower we are warm, get regular meals, and have healers at our beck and call. Never mind the fact that we do not have to contend with streets full of sewage and vermin. It seems a disservice to address the needs of a few who can take their basic needs for granted while an entire race of people is forced to live in squalor as second class citizens.

2 Pluitanis, 9:32

It has been a trying week. We have begun the search for a pair of royal wet nurses, after much hand wringing and several difficult conversations. Erring on the side of caution, we are presuming that the taint could be transferred from mother to child by ingesting her breast milk. Following this presumption, it would be impractical at best for us to continue our taint wards for another year or more when a much more practical option is available. I also do not believe that the shield spell would work as effectively on the breast as it does for the womb. A woman's breasts are full of many small nodes and ducts that produce and hold milk, as opposed to womb which is one large vaguely round muscle. Building a shield, any shield, around a definitive border is vastly easier than one around a nebulous one. I suppose it could technically be possible, but by the Maker, we simply cannot keep this constant vigil for that long. Between the four of us we are managing well enough, but keeping up these wards for another year, possibly longer? I see our current role in the process as necessary, both for the safety of the twins as well as the future of Ferelden. But allowing Elissa to breastfeed the infants is just not as vital. A wet nurse's service will have to suffice. She is not happy with me for making this decision, and some part of me wishes we were more capable or had a different option. I do feel justified in my position, as much as it pains me. Leborah and Petra should return to their studies at the Tower, and Irving and I have already given our all to this venture. So long as the heirs to the Theirin line are born taint-fee, we have done that which we originally committed to. Someone else will need to step up for the next stage of this venture. There are times when a person, even a mage, should only push themselves so far.

11 Pluitanis, 9:32

Elissa has been spending a lot of time with Sabina, and though she is perhaps still distant with me at times I think that she has come to accept my decision with regard to hiring wet nurses. We have found one so far, a woman formerly in the employ of Arl Eamon named Millicent. She and her infant daughter have been granted a room near the royal apartments, and Sabina has been making a point to include the woman in her conversations with the queen. As much as I know Elissa has made it a priority to fulfill her duty and provide an heir to the throne, at the same time I get the impression that she is not wholly comfortable around babies. If I'm correct in that assessment, I'm sure she's had much more in-depth conversations with Sabina about her concerns and fears. I personally have not been privy to many of these conversations; they seem to happen more often than not when Petra is fulfilling her taint shield shift.

I know that Elissa still trusts me and my healing skills, but as we get closer to the end of this it makes sense that she has questions that fall outside my realm of expertise. I know too that the specter of Arlessa Kaitlyn still haunts her. Perhaps the midwife's words are what she needs to hear right now, not those of an unsure mage who cannot be wholly confident that her skills will not fail her yet again. But all of us involved must carry on, preparing as best we can with the future before it becomes the present.


	10. Part 10

**The Last Beginning - Part ****10**

19 Pluitanis, 9:32

None of those involved would ever dare speak such words aloud, but by Andraste's Grace I can only hope that this whole ordeal ends sooner than later. Not too soon naturally, lest our efforts have been in vain. Even better to keep my thoughts to parchment and not utter them aloud.

Sabina has spoken to me in private, requesting that we mages keep a close eye on Elissa and the children, reporting anything questionable to her immediately. Even if it's something only visible through magic and difficult to describe, she still wishes to know about it. She states that the stressors of two babies can easily overwhelm a mother's well being, and all efforts must be made to make sure this does not happen until at least another month has passed. Were the twins to be born now, their chances of survival would be grim at best. When I asked her whether or not Elissa was aware of this factor, she sidestepped the issue stating that Elissa only knows what is necessary for her to know and has been given the same instructions we have. Perhaps it is for the best. I know the poor girl is scared, and not without reason.

Elissa in under strict instructions to drink plenty of water throughout the day, in addition to Sabina's herbal tea morning and night. Daily hot baths have also been added to her regimen, to help her body stay relaxed. She has also been warned that if she pushes herself too far she will be given even more strict instructions, ones that would involve her not being allowed out bed except for matters of biological necessity. Sabina confides in me that it may still come to such lengths if Elissa starts experiencing problems, but there is nothing going on at the moment of particular concern. Regardless, caution at this point is still prudent.

22 Pluitanis, 9:32

And so to speak of a thing has caused it to come to pass. Thankfully all is well now, though Elissa has been confined to her bed for the duration of this process. Between a concoction of Sabina's and a locally applied healing spell which in its normal usage brings on painless sleep, we were able to still the contracting of Elissa's womb back to something much less concerning. A limited amount of such contractions are normal, but they can quickly go from something harmless to something much more dangerous. Sabina states that if necessary we will apply the same ministrations to her over the next two weeks as necessary. After that point she believes that the babies would come to no harm were they to be born. Twins on the whole tend to be smaller regardless, she states, given that they have more limited space to grow than a single child would. This lack of space is what also often causes them to be born slightly earlier than expected. She seems confident that everything will all be over by this time next month, but if there is one thing certain about childbearing it is the uncertainty.

Alistair has officially requested that Arl Eamon take up the regency for the foreseeable future. While they still meet in private on days when court is convened, from what Alistair tells me it is more of Eamon's way of keeping him abreast of affairs rather than requiring many decisions to be made. Some part of me would prefer it were Eamon not as comfortable as he is with his duties as regent, for it would give Alistair more to occupy his time with rather than fretting over Elissa. The lad's heart is in the right place, but Maker's Breath the girl is worried enough. Perhaps Sabina can talk some sense into him, for I think he senses the hypocrisy of my words when I tell him he should not worry so.

I have tried to keep Elissa's spirits up while she rests. Granted, this is certainly no great sacrifice on my part given the need for me to be near the taint shield while monitoring the spell. Leborah has been providing her with books from the newly reorganized royal library, but even the most scholarly of us can read for only so long. Leliana has joined us more days than not as well, practicing her instruments and chattering as only a bard can. She is frustrated because the Chantry has been making promises to her for over a year now, saying they would fund an expedition to find and reclaim Andraste's ashes from the temple in the mountains above Haven, but there are always excuses as to why they cannot support her endeavor just yet. With spring on the way she intends to start pushing harder, and she hopes she can be on her way perhaps by early summer.

One of the recurring topics which often comes up in our conversations is that of names for the children. We oftentimes launch into these discussions seemingly out of nowhere, for as we read Leborahs's books we often stumble on particularly interesting ones. Female names mostly, but some male ones as well just in case my healer's sight has failed me. It's a bit of a joke that Ferelden's prince and heir was named long before he was even the notion of a twinkle in his father's eye. There is little chance of swaying said father into another name, but Elissa still makes note of ones she likes. Mostly I think she does it just to quarrel with Alistair in that way they do, where the point of the argument is the game itself and not to truly spite one another.

10 Nubulis, 9:32

Winter in Ferelden arrives early and keeps its grip on the land long into spring, not unlike a Mabari with a ham bone. But even here, there are rare days near the latter part of the season where spring breaks through, if only briefly. Today was one such day, and after a winter of being cooped up indoors it was a true delight to simply sit in the sun and not feel in danger of freezing. Even the queen was able to join us, once we had a reclining divan brought out onto her balcony. One could almost taste the promise of spring in the air, even though snow still clings to some rooftops and where the sun does not always reach. Days like today are meant to be savored.

8 Nubulis, 9:32

We are giving Elissa at least a precursory examination daily now. All seems fine for the moment. My healer's sight confirms Sabina's observations that the first baby has turned properly, head down and preparing for the inevitable. Whether or not his sibling will follow suit remains to be seen. Petra suggests, wisely I may add, that we may want to consider turning the second child into the correct position through magical means. While I'm not opposed to this idea, I believe it best that we reserve such a measure to be used only if necessary during the birthing process itself. No need to fight the poor babe to move into and stay in a certain position until it becomes necessary.

We have not seen any further episodes of premature laboring, though I should mention that I have been casting the modified sleep spell on Elissa's womb every few days or so. I think the spell I cast today will be the last though, for Sabina calculates that even were Elissa's time to come early, the true danger period has passed and nature must be allowed to take its own course at some point. She states that if the twins were born in the next week or so, they may be weak and sickly at first and not gain weight as they should, but they would most likely live baring any other unforeseen circumstances. We also have finally brought in a second wet nurse, so were Elissa's time to come early we shall be able to provide for the babes without either of them left wanting.

15 Nubulis, 9:32

There has been little change to report over the past week or so. We are still awaiting the arrival of the royal twins, though some of us with more impatience than others. Sabina has relaxed the restrictions on Elissa's bed rest, the official reason being that she believes there is no harm in allowing the birthing process to begin at any time. None of us are fools however. We all know that the other large factor in her decision is to keep everyone's mental health in tact. Our queen was not made for lazing about in bed, even when it's her own body and children who demand such a necessity.

Elissa has been spending a lot of time sorting through the children's possessions, for there are still whole mountains of toys, blankets, clothing, and other sundry items to prepare and organize. Both Elissa and Alistair have been spending time with the wet nurses during this process, since they will be primarily responsible for handing the day to day usage of these things. Sabina has also allied with the two other women, imparting what knowledge she can to the royal couple about the care of infant children. The wet nurse's infants are clearly no longer newborns, but are still perfectly serviceable for their lessons. It is rather an amusing thing to observe, for neither of them has seemingly been around very young children before. Not that I should be one to judge, for there is no nursery in the Tower thus I cannot claim great experience in the area either. Their duty drives them though, and I have great faith that their natural capabilities will fill in whatever gaps Sabina and the midwives may leave to be filled.

19 Nubulis, 9:32

It feels odd to be sitting here writing now, but for the moment things seem well in hand. Writing helps to calm my mind, and for the good of all I need to be calm for the foreseeable future.

Elissa's birth waters broke earlier this morning, after a long and restless night. From what Sabina says, this will happen again at some point with the second child, but obviously this is a definitive marker that the waiting game is finally over. There is only so much that I can do personally, aside from applying my healer's sight to keep an eye on things and powering the taint shield when it is my turn to do so. Petra has offered to take primary responsibility for these sight-scans, and while I applaud her for this it makes my presence here feel far less essential. I know this is not true, but there it is. For now, I will record here what I can while keeping my nerves in check.

From what we are able to "see", the first child is positioned correctly but the second one is positioned head up instead of down. For now, Sabina's plan is to let things progress and assess things after the first baby is born. It is possible but risky to a child to be born bottom-first instead of head-first. The plan currently is that once the first child is born and out of the way, we will see if we are able to turn the second baby into the correct position through careful application of telekinesis. As it stands I believe this will be possible, but never having been in this particular situation there is always the reality of unforeseen complications. Petra and I will do everything we can to keep those complications to a minimum.

Leborah and I are trading off maintaining the taint shield every hour or so. It is becoming increasingly harder to keep it cast around Elissa's womb, with its increasing amount of constriction and fluctuating. We will persevere, however. Even if we manage to overextend ourselves now, the end of our task is in sight. We will have the luxury of true rest very soon. To ensure that there is no taint transfer once the children are born, small tubs have been procured by the midwife's apprentices which will be filled with warm water when the time draws near. As soon as the children emerge, before anything else is done, they will be washed and cleaned to ensure that no tainted blood is transferred to them inadvertently. The chances of this occurring are slim, but we again want to eliminate all possible risks, even slim ones.

Alistair is being… well, he is being distinctly Alistair. Elissa insists on keeping him close, but I can't help wonder if it wouldn't be better if someone took him off to a tavern or on a ride in the hills until this is all over. He has certainly seen her injured or hurting countless times, but this is very different. There is no poultice, no potion, no spell that I know of that can alleviate or reduce that which Elissa has to face in these next several hours. He worries, and for all that he is trying to be strong his fears emanate off of him in palatable waves.

~*~

It has been about two hours since I last put quill to parchment. After a seemingly stern, mostly out of earshot talk with Leliana, Alistair's demeanor has improved dramatically. He has managed to put a brave face on his fears, and is focused on Elissa and is not badgering people to do things. I'm not sure what the girl said to him, but whatever it was it had a profound effect. Elissa seems to have retreated into herself, but at least now Alistair's presence next to her seems to be supportive and not disruptive. Leliana has returned to playing her complicated Orlesian harp, a calming presence in the face of the omnipresent tension filling in the royal chambers.

Sabina knows not just how much longer the birthing process will last. These things vary from woman to woman, and even from birth to birth. Things are progressing but slowly, but they are progressing. Poor Elissa seems worn out already, but many of us have seen her fight and win tougher battles than this. Elissa Cousland Theirin, slayer of both high and demon-possessed dragons, mobilizer of armies, avenger of wrongs, Queen of Ferelden. She will endure.

May the Maker smile on us all this day.


	11. Epilogue

**The Last Beginning – ****Epilogue**

There are no words that truly explain just how hard it is for me to do this. But after reading all she has written, it would stain the honor of her memory where someone not to complete this manuscript. Wynne did always intend for the documentation of her knowledge to be kept and shared, which may seem strange when you consider all that she includes about herself and those around her. Perhaps, that too was part of which she was trying to save.

Before I go any further, perhaps I should give some perspective to who I am and why I am the one writing the final entry in Wynne's journal. My name is Petra, a mage of Ferelden's Circle. If you've read this manuscript in its entirety, you will certainly have some idea of who I am and how I was involved in this whole undertaking. Though I do feel the need to point out that I am not nearly so skilled or intuitive as Wynne makes me out to be. The bias of an old, dear woman, I suppose.

I studied under Wynne in the Tower as an apprentice. Not exclusively, but I have always had an interest in healing magics, and Wynne was the best teacher to be had. Between the time when Wynne returned to the Tower after the Battle of Ostagar and when she left again to continue fighting the Blight, we had a bit of a rebellion amongst the ranks of the mages. Blood magic, powerful demons running about, the Right of Annulment hanging over our heads… but that is a completely different story to be saved for another day.

My pen has suddenly loosed itself into spewing words all over the page, but bear with me as this is important to explain just what happened during the latter part of the birth of the royal twins.

The important part is that I owed Wynne a great debt, due to her actions during this revolt. It's how I ended up in Denerim in the first place, helping her and the King and Queen this past year. Assisting her in conceiving and birthing the heir to the throne was a small way I could help repay some of what I owed her.

In short, Wynne saved my life during Uldred's Revolt, while almost dying herself in the process. Were you to speak to her, she would say she _did_ in fact die, but personally I'm not wholly certain about that.

What I do know is that she was close enough to death that a spirit from the Fade crossed over the Veil and bonded with her, body and soul. Not all spirits of the Fade are molded by our evil or dark intentions, some are shaped by the brighter parts of the human psyche. This spirit was one such. It sustained Wynne, extending her life past that moment when she should have left us to join the Maker, while at the same time lending her some of its powers. It was this spirit that saved the life of our Queen and her daughter.

Prince Duncan's birth was rather uneventful, if such things can even begin to be described as "uneventful". The lead up to it was lengthy, but not in any way noteworthy for a first time mother, so Sabina says. It seemed like an eternity to me, however I myself am still not wholly versed nor even comfortable with the whole process, for all that I find it fascinating.

It was his sister's birth that brought us considerably more problems. Instead of lining up to be born head first, as is typical and most safe, she had turned herself upside down, or right side up I suppose depending on how you look at it. Sabina called it "birthing breech" I believe. So Wynne and I decided it was worth the risk to intervene at that point, attempting to flip the baby over so that she could be born more easily. As it turns out, this was not as easy in practice as it sounded in theory. In hindsight I suppose we should have known that things could easily go that way. The Queen began losing a lot of blood, and the pain the process caused seemed… well, better that I not even attempt to describe it.

During the procedure, Queen Elissa passed out of consciousness. Under Wynne's direction, I continued doing as I was doing, and moved the little princess into what seemed to be the ideal position. It was then that Wynne focused her energies on the Queen, her body going stiff, her eyes closed, her hands glowing lyrium blue. Speaking with King Alistair after this was all over, he described it as her "calling on the spirit", something he had seen her do many times during the Blight. As best we can figure, Wynne infused the spirit that sustained her into Queen Elissa in some way, a way that re-awoke her and gave her the strength to continue the birthing process. After the spell was cast, Wynne fell to the floor, but given the chaos and the fact that this seemed normal after her exerting so much magical energy, no one was very worried about her at that moment. One of Sabina's apprentices moved her off to side so that she would not get hurt in the commotion, and there was far too much going on at that time for us to give Wynne more than a cursory glance.

It was not until after the princess was safely born that I went to check on my mentor. She was not unconscious. What she had done, calling upon the spirit that was keeping her alive… it killed her. The spirit left her body entirely, and in its wake her body could no longer sustain itself. I know that this is what I feared would happen to her, someday, ever since the event in the Tower where she saved my life. I suppose I should not have been as surprised as I was, that she had given of herself to another so willingly and so completely. Wynne was always one to put those she cared for above herself, after all.

The King and Queen have named their daughter Eliwynne, in her honor. A noble gesture in and of itself, but this was apparently not sufficient enough of a reward for Wynne's sacrifice, or so says our Warden King. He has decreed that from this point forward, the Circle of Magi in Ferelden is free from the oversight of the Chantry. While naturally this is a boon that we mages never expected to receive, I am uneasy as to where this gesture will lead us, and whether or not the Chantry will let us go about our way without a fight. That being said, if we can find a way to monitor ourselves and reduce the risk of demonic possession, being free from Andraste's ever-present hanging sword is a thing that we mages have always dreamed of. They do say to be careful what you wish for… especially in the context of magic.

Perhaps it is presumptuous of me to write of this, but this new found freedom has allowed me to contemplate an opportunity that would have been impossible were I to be required to live in the Tower for the rest of my days. Sabina has asked me if I wish to accompany her to Danespear, a freeholding near the mouth of the River Dane. The bann's brother approached her earlier this week, and inquired as to the possibility of her accompanying him back home to assist the bann's wife with the birth of their child. She wants me to accompany her, to use my magic to assist her midwifery as we did here in Denerim for Queen Elissa. The thought of a mage using her talents, openly and freely, to perform a service beyond healing or warfare... The more I think about it, perhaps that is King Alistair's goal. A humbling thought for those who have been treated as barely-tamed wild beasts for all of their lives.

Wynne would be glad to know that Prince Duncan and Princess Eliwynne are fairing well. It is hard to believe that they were born a mere two weeks ago. It both feels like their birth happened yesterday, and yet at the same time it happened years and years ago. Which is ridiculous, of course, but there it is. They are the pride of the entire palace, not least of which being their doting parents, the King in particular. Don't misread me, Queen Elissa clearly loves her children, she just seems more reserved about the whole thing while King Alistair is unabashedly proud. It is a long recovery process for the Queen, I'm certain. We have done all we can for her, but even with magical assistance healing is a matter of time.

It must be said – the prince and princess are adorable, in the way that only newborn babies can be. Prince Duncan is bald save for a tiny wisp of brown hair, while Eliwynne's hair is straw-blonde. Sabina says that their hair could and probably will change as they grow, just as their eyes could easily change from their current blue color. The more you learn, the more you realize you don't know, yes?

I will be sad to leave them, after having spent so much time worrying about keeping them safe. I'm sure their parents would disagree with me, but from where I'm standing the twins actually being born is almost anti-climatic. We worried and fretted and cast spells and worked so very hard to get them here... and now that they're here, they are in the care of others. Which is as it should be, but it does make me feel a bit like an extra wheel on a cart. Thankfully Sabina and I are leaving for Danespear on the morrow. Leborah is staying here with Irving, taking Wynne's place as mage adviser to the throne. I doubt that Irving will sit by idle, but since the man is technically in his retirement Leborah kindly volunteered to officially take on the role. It will be some time before he overcomes his grief over the loss of Wynne, but I have faith that there are those here who care enough about him to watch over him and keep him busy.

Poor Irving. I don't even want to imagine being in his shoes right now. He has mostly kept to himself, seen only briefly during Wynne's cremation ceremony a week ago wherein he gave a poignant and beautiful eulogy. We all grieve in our own ways, but to watch him is the most difficult. The royal couple grieves as if they lost a beloved grandmother. Countless mages in the Tower mourn her passing, for they owe her their gratitude for all that she has taught them over the years, not to mention King Alistair's recent decree of our freedom. Myself... well, apparently I grieve by being presumptuous enough to think I am worthy of writing the conclusion to the journal of Wynne's last days. I wonder what that says about me, though perhaps I am better off not knowing the answer.

Ferelden as a whole owes Wynne much, thanks to her role during the Blight as well as her efforts to ensure the succession of the Theirin bloodline. I am told it was she that kept the Wardens alive atop Fort Draken, long enough to see the Archdemon slain and the Darkspawn threat turned back to the Deep Roads. Perhaps the spirit within her sensed her efforts of this last year, and deemed it to be her last true service to her fellow man. Or perhaps it was all just a matter of circumstance, and the spirit's power had dwindled away to nothing after being called upon one last time. Perhaps we shall never know the truth. But I know for certain that Wynne shall be missed by all those who knew and loved her. Ferelden is a poorer place for her loss.

Maker bless you, Wynne. May you return to the His side and walk in His light.

* * *

A/N: This is the end of the journal portion of this fic. As time and my muse permits, I will be adding on "outtake" chapters, third party omnipotent views of some of the scenes Wynne touches on. Given my track record at updating, however, don't expect them to be frequent updates. ;)

I also want to thank all those who have stuck with me through the past three months. This has been my first serious mulit-chapter fic, and I feel I've learned a lot. I could be wrong, of course, it happens more often than I like to admit. ;P Special thanks to the #swooping_is_bad crowd (you know who you are!) who kept knocking me upside the head and making me update. Those "OMG Odie updated!" comments were very inspiring as well!

* * *

"You can find happiness in doing your duty. When you put others before yourself, their happiness becomes your happiness."


End file.
